“The Jew with No Geography”…aka Landed Softly Dude

Having given up on J-Date some 6 months ago, I really wasn’t that into the whole online dating thing. There were far too many old creepy guys with age ranges of 20-26 that had “Flirted” with me on Jdate (more on that later), and I had had enough. So a few weeks ago, over dinner with friends, one of my girls (henceforth known as V) was bragging about all the men she had met on OkCupid. Feeling frustrated with the non-existent dating scene for me in Los Angeles (just because I work in entertainment doesn’t I want to DATE someone in entertainment…give me a nice doctor or lawyer!), I finally figured what the hell and gave it another shot.

In the 5 or so months I was on Jdate, not once did I go out on a date. All I got were a disastrous flirtation with someone I knew that seemed to kill a friendship (yes, there are tons of Jews in LA, but we somehow all know each other…which ties in exactly with what was wrong with the guy below!) and an almost date with someone 12 years my senior that just freaked me out WAYYYY too much. So, I was trying to be a tad more optimistic and open minded going into this.

OkCupid on the whole seems to actually pair you up with people your own age, but I still wanted to date other Jews. A mere 4 days after joining, a seemingly nice, normal guy messaged me something actually funny in reference to my bitingly sarcastic profile. Yeah, I’m the type of person that doesn’t care if you don’t understand my humor on the page, because if you aren’t finding the funny in that, it’s not going to be any better verbally. OK…..So we messaged back and forth a few times, and I decided to just pull the band-aid off and set a date. We decided on a nice wine bar.Now, it wasn’t a bad date…that isn’t saying it was a good date. My optimism actually made me ignore some warning signs:

  1. He could not play Jewish geography with me! What self respecting Long Island Jew doesn’t have ANY (and I mean ANY) names to through out, or camps, or long lost college friends that know this person that knows that person…NOTHING!
  2.     He brought up his ex-girlfriend more than a handful of times on the date. She had broken up with him and he waited a whole MONTH before signing up for a dating site. Um..yeah…
  3.  He has made friends (Female ones!) from dating sites in the past. I know, this could be a good thing (in Utah, maybe? No disrespect to Utah) but really ladies, are any of us on these sites to make friends? We may try to come off as unclingy, noncommittal, and cool in our profiles, but all of us secretly (or not?) want marriage and babies.
  4.   And this is the kicker girls! He walked me to my car and said, “So I’ll be in touch. I am still feeling out my options and seeing what’s out there, but I feel like I’ve landed softly.” So as he platonically  hugged me good night, I thing I was still in shock/ bafflement at the weirdest comment I have ever heard on a date. “Landed Softly?” What in the hell? Good to know I am a nice pillow should you need it, but if a real hottie hits you up, your options will still be wide open.

So, after realizing that some random dude (at least I didn’t pay..haha) had basically told me I was second string, I didn’t hear from him for five days, which as Cher Horowitz once said, “Christian said he’d call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.” I was totally cool with not hearing from him, but I got a text on a Sunday night. I guess his first string got injured and he was calling me back up. Too bad I’de declared my free agency already! Needless to say, he did not hear back from me…he can land elsewhere.

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