Be-Moaning the Truth

The only thing more depressing than hearing your neighbor having really bad sex on Valentine’s day, and be alone in bed at the time….

…is to be putting your makeup on for work at 9am on a Friday morning, and hear your other neighbor presumably having shower sex. And I say presumably, as he is Spanish and I could not understand anything. And sad, because…well,

    1. His name is Fabio (yeah! people are really named that)
    2. I thought he was gay, as he really cares about his flower/wall things that keep me from pulling into my driveway without hitting them….(that’s what she said…?)
    3. Our bathrooms are the size of a closet…not walkins, which I do have and they are bigger. That HAD TO HURT!

Well, regardless, I wasn’t able to hear the music I was listening to over the splashing and weird Spanish sex noises. Who’s ready for some awkwardness in the laundry room?

The Science of Gaydar

I am sure you all (haha, kidding) saw this article on Science Daily (haha, kidding again) just like me! I read it every day to keep up with my SCIENCE!! Yeah, right! Well the article was entitled “Psychologists Find Link Between Ovulation and Women’s Ability to Identify Heterosexual Men.” You might have seen this on some random website, on some twitter feed, on the Yahoo! news feed (yeah, I read it…whatever).

Damian: "Too gay to function?" Janis: That's only okay when *I* say it!

Basically, some really smart scientists figured out that women get better at detecting eligible straight men when they are more fertile in their cycle (ie closer to ovulation). So if you are too bored to take a peak at the link to the article (above), basically they did three things:

    1. Show a bunch of undergraduate ladies (so you know what that means! not really sure what that means, but they pointed out that they were undergrads…?) 80 pictures of men. Half of them were gay, half straight, all had no discernible expression. The women then reported the length since “their Aunt Flo’s came to visit and how long she visits for.”

    -From this, the smarty pants were able to conclude that women are more accurate at judging sexual orientation closer to ovulation (once again for those of you who don’t know what ovulation is, the peak of fertility).

    2. The second experiment had the scientists showing pictures of 100 straight woman and 100 pictures of lesbians.

    -From this, they found no relationship between fertility and accurate judgments of women’s sexual orientation. This suggests that this judgement is related to the ideas of conception.

    3. Lastly, they tested this second finding “with a third experiment in which female participants were primed with a mating goal in order to manipulate reproductive relevance.” (I think that means making them want sex?) They had half of the women read a story with a romantic encounter (so they gave woman Danielle Steel novels?) while the other half did not, and then had them do the same tasks as the prior two parts of the test. They found that the horny sexually primed women were way better at spotting gay vs. straight.

    -From this, they gather that the more romantically minded women are, the more accurate they will be at spotting who the straight men in the room are.

That would be utterly helpful for those times when you JUST CAN'T TELL!

So, from this I have to ask…how do super slutty women STILL manage to flirt with the gayest men in the room? So I guess now we will all know when someone’s Aunt is visiting them. Or at the very least, way more easily be able to tell for looking at a picture in People magazine which Hollywood marriage are real, and which were drafted by a lawyer.

John Travolta....and his wife, Kelly Preston