Three on Three is Better Than One

NO!Ā  Get your mind out of the freakin’ gutter! I am not referring to threesomes vs. masturbation….nor am I referring to Basketball and the upcoming NCAA tournament, in which I somehow manage to do fairly well every year with little to no knowledge. No, I’m talking about dating (durrhhh…what else would I be talking about).

Well, when I was stuck in bed with mono for about a month, I obviously watched more than my fair share of senseless TV. And when you think of senseless TV, I don’t know what you think of, but my mind goes straight to Andy Cohen and Bravo! Housewives, and Matchmakers, and Top Chefs, Oh My! I love it all! So, clearly as this show was canceled and aired at like 7:00pm at night, no one else was watching Start-Ups: Silicon Valley. Well, it was about internet start ups. And no matter how pretty some of the people were, they were nerds…awkward nerds. Which doesn’t make for riveting television I guess…

So one of the nerds (maybe I should be nicer…he sold his company to Facebook on the show and is now richer than I will ever be..) well, he went to New York to visit a friend whose internet startup was based there. And this is where I found out about Grouper.

So if you have been under a rock, or already have a mate and just get a good ole kick out of my hilarious mistakes on the road to love, you probably don’t know of Grouper. Well, basically it is “Group Dating.” Imagine the idea of someone you know saying, “I’ve got someone who’s perfect for you!” And they tell you were and when to meet, but NOTHING about the other person. Meaning, no preconceived facebook stalking! But what makes this even better is that you get to bring two friends with you, and your set up brings two friends with them! Everyone is being set up! WHAAAAAA??!!!! Yup. NO longer do you have to have your friend do “the call,” the are you alive/is he cute/do you need a fauxmergency?

So I have currently been on two groupers. (btw the site doesn’t like you to call them dates…it’s a social club….they are groupers…ok). So the first one I went on, my friends and I get to our assigned location on time and awkwardly sit at our reserved table in a row of three (they make a reservation and the first drink is included in the fee). And there is one guy sitting alone at the bar…and I know in the back of my mind that he is one of the guys. And of course as ladies we start talking…probably embarassing shit….and then two guy walks up to the guy at the bar and they of course are our three men. It was actually a fairly nice icebreaker though.

And that “grouper” actually seemed to go well. Each girl was into a different guy….which obviously is a concern, right? What if all three girls like the same guy? So, yeah, it was fun. Good talk, good time. And at the end of the night, the three of us ladies gave of emails (I know..) to one of the guys. And, surprise, surprise, we actually were emailed the next day, with the two other guys cc’ed saying they had a great time! And I even got grouper point (yeah, well, actually KARMA…) saying someone had a great time! SO I emailed the guy that I liked…that I presumably was hitting it off with. And then, NOTHING. Nada. No response. Oh well.

So last Thursday was my second grouper. One of the girls has started seeing someone since our last one, so another single friend of mine became apart of the threesome. And let me just say, I would rather have a good time and the guy not respond then these three milquetoast dudes (yea! I found a reason to use that word in real life).

So a feature of Grouper I haven’t mentioned is your concierge…our LA one is Lexi. Well, can I just the best part of my grouper was texting with her? Shall I post it? Yes? Ok!!!

Lexi: Hey SSG, hope things are going well! Don’t forget to take a groupergram for a shot at a free round.
SSG: They are not totally our type but nice
Lexi: Eeekk… I’m really sorry they didn’t turn out to be the best match for you girls… Hope it’s still a fun night though!
SSG: We’re talking about finding our parents porn
I hope this makes it on texts from grouper
Lexi: Hahaha, ahhh classic Grouper bonding ;-p
SSG: Haha
SSG: We got the bar to play the Dawson’s creek theme song and are singing along
Lexi: Is the bar singing along with you!??!?
SSG: No! Just us three girls and one of the boys.. And they thought you were a bot!
Lexi: A bot?! Come on now šŸ˜‰
SSG: You are so not a bot!
Lexi: You know it, girl
SSG: Grouper fail
Lexi: What?! What happened? Sounded like the night was getting gooood at the Dawson’s Creek singalong!
SSG: Nope! One of the guys already left! But there might be one match happening
Lexi: Oooo! Lucky pair. Sorry to hear the guys weren’t exactly your type but so happy you were able to make a fun night out of it!
SSG: The guy that we are “stuck Ā talking to” as he won’t leave his friend, he told me he doesn’t trust anything I say
Lexi: Hahaha omg! Why would he say that?
SSG: He sucks
Lexi: Yiiiiiiikes
SSG: Yeah he also did a live reading of my blog.. Which was funny, but as it was about a bad date is kind if ironic
Lexi: Hahaha goodness! What are the odds.
SSG: Lets hope better next time
Lexi: We’ll make sure of it! Promise!

Ok, so clearly there where fun/funny moments. But that’s because my friends were there. Which is why even though it was a GROUPER FAIL, it was still super fun. Because I’m still always going to have fun on a night out with my girls! Especially when Paula Cole is involved….

 

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Blind Date (Was I Just Punk’d)?

So, for those of you readers that haven’t been paying attention, a lot has been going on in my life recently like major things…that kind of make me in a state of flux as of late. Which actually is great, it makes me willing to try new things, be corny as shit and “say yes to life.”

So much so, that when asked if I’m single and happy to be set up, I of course say yes. Because what’s the best that can happen? I meet the love of my life, we have a gorgeous wedding, and I rename this blog “The Amazing Adventures of a Bitch you all Should be Jealous” cause that ain’t never gonna happen. Worst case scenario: I get an awesome tale to add to my adventures!

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The Time I Got Tucker Maxed

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So hopefully this title is intriguing to you- but no, I did not HAVE SEX with Tucker Max. I merely refer to one of his infamous stories. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Continue reading

So There IS Something Worse Than Being Sad And Single!

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Turns out there is something worse…being Sad, single, and SOOOO fucking desperate that you would do this:

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Safe Words

Get your mind out of the gutter! No, I’m not talkin’ about crazy spanking, S & M, Eyes Wide Shut, “don’t know what’s happening because it’s all so crazy that we need a special word to tell if you’ve gone to far” safe words.

You know some crazy shit's about to go down....


I’m talking about when you’re out at a bar with a friend and some guy starts talking to you… Continue reading