I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

So a lot of the times when I write, I use humor as a way to maybe cope with feelings – you know how in Friends Chandler’s always making jokes, even at the most inappropriate times?

Well, that is kind of me on here. Sometimes rather than actually reflecting on what is making me sad, or angry, or upset, I joke it off. Continue reading

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Why Being a Single Gal Can Actually Be Sad…Part II

Why Being a Single Gal Can Actually Be Sad…Part II

Ok, this actually is more “sad” in the sense of:

Creepy. As. FUCK

Creepy. As. FUCK

Also.Creepy.As.FUCK

Also.Creepy.As.FUCK

    

 

 

   OR    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, basically this story is tale as old as time. Girl meets Girl. They become “BFF” – Best Friends Forever. Or until Girl meets Boy. And then you have the first few months, when Boy and Girl go from BF and GF to one entity, attached at the hip, only to appear in public in the form of “couples.” As in multiples. As in, they try it out with Girl #1, who, let’s be real, we can call her Lonely Girl, a few times, and it’s just plain AWK. As in, they stop asking her out, because Girl and Boy are now a they, and Lonely Girl is not. And the “Theys” only want to be with other “Theys”, not ( shiver) “Singles”.

Healthy-Food couple

So, slowly but surely, that once Forever in BFF gets tossed out the window. You maybe text occasionally. Still refer to each other as “Best Friends”, but when was the last time you really saw each other? And then it happens. Lonely Girl realizes that her once BFF, who basically promised to be there for her in singleness and in health, hasn’t answered a text, email, call, message via carrier pigeon in months. And who does this really suck for….Lonely Girl.

Hey There, Lonely Girl....

Hey There, Lonely Girl….

Because at least 1/2 of Siamese Couple has the other half still, and all those other couple friends. Lonely Girl is basically left in the dust to repeat the cycle again. The Cycle of the Single Gal. And she doesn’t even get to benefit from her BFF’s new Boyfriend’s hopefully decent taste in friends. Or even bad taste for a slutty hookup.

The Cycle of the Single Gal

The Cycle of the Single Gal

 

Why Being a Single Gal Can Actually Be Sad…

Ok, for the most part on here…when I say “sad” I don’t mean it like…

Creepy. As. FUCK

Creepy. As. FUCK

….I more so mean it like… Continue reading

Can’t We All Just Round Down?

Can’t We All Just Round Down?

Ok, so bear with me here. So you know how they say:

“The devil is in the details.”

And like, I’m not really sure who “they” is or whatever, but let’s think about that for a moment. I know it’s supposed to mean that like you should make sure every little detail of a task is accounted for and whatnot, but let’s think of how it in another way. Like what if it meant, fuck the details, fuck the specifics, that’s the devil’s business. Except we/you/I don’t really talk about “the devil,” do we?

So I guess the whole point I am leading up to is that we all need to Round Down a bit, an amazing expression my friend thought at brunch. I could tell you where we went, what we ordered, how long we sat for, etc, etc, etc….but do you really give a shit? And that’s my point. You don’t. And I know that. Continue reading

Spot on Ad Targeting, Facebook. SPOT….On!

Screen Shot 2013-04-23 at 1.22.30 PMBecause I am clearly in the market for an engagement ring….

Thanks for that additional reminder that I am hopelessly single, Facebook. Just what I need when I am already constantly being reminded about engagements, and weddings, and babies, and blah blah blahhhhhhh…..

AT least this ad is a tad more spot on for the average single lady….

Screen Shot 2013-04-23 at 1.27.20 PM

I’m A “Woman of LA” and I Call Bullshit!

If you’re not familiar with the Murray Hill Video,where have you been and watch the provided link. DJ Lubel has made an LA one, called “THE WOMEN OF LA,” about how he can’t get laid. Watch:

Ok, super funny. Yes. Completely accurate descriptions of parts of LA. Yes. But there are magically lots of people getting laid here. I don’t exactly know where they are, or who they are….but I assure you Mr. Lubel, it ain’t because the girls are turning every guy down. No….Just NO. Maybe it’s because when assholes (note, I’m not saying nerd, I love nerds, hit on gorgeous women (also not saying anything about myself…) they get turned down for being asses. Just a thought.

Photo Un-Impressions (Men Read UP!)

So, pardon me if this is a redundant post…but I feel like I am in a bit of a rut of late. And even though online dating is one of the banes of modern existence, I am giving it another shot. Who knows– maybe my sparkling wit will came off as appealing rather than the demeanor of a hardened criminal to someone other than a hardened criminal? No…well, a girl can hope!

He may be cute, but who the hell is she???!!

He may be cute, but who the hell is she???!!

The thing that has me absolutely BAFFLED though, is the picture men chose to put up on these sites! BEYOND bafflement….and here are the types:

  1. The “I’m clearly in a picture with another girl that I’ve cropped out to give the impression I am popular and that she is my ex (even though really that’s my sister and cousin)”
  2. The “I’m clearly in a picture with other guys that I’ve cropped out to give the impression I am cool and have friends (even though really that’s my brother and his friends at his bachelor party where I totally was a 9th wheel)”
  3. The “I’m clearly in a crowd of people to give you the impression that I don’t just sit in my room and play Halo (even though it’s a green screen)”
  4. The “I am so ugly and embarrassed of my face but not my gun show (or even worse your dick)”
  5. The “I like kids so clearly I should pose with them, making it really confusing for any woman to determine if they are mine or just some randoms (even though it says on my profile that I have no kids)”
  6. The “I have a picture up so clearly I’m not bald or missing eyebrows (even if you can’t see my face because I have sunglasses and a hat on)”
  7. The “I’m clearly just a regular joe who loves a good beer and football (so don’t you love my XXXL jersey and the PBL in my hand?)”
  8. The “Look at how sporty I clearly am (even though this is beyond posed and I’ve never played baseball/football/ anyball before)”
  9. The “I’m too cool to have pictures of myself (because I only take pictures of my food)”

So basically what I’m saying…make your pictures better. They don’t need to be works of art, you don’t need to be the most handsome man on earth. But I would rather a real picture of you than a picture of you with 5 other “DUDES” where I have to deduce which one could possibly be you….