This is what Gwyneth is talking about, right? ….No?! Well, I guess I’m at a complete and total loss then….WOOPs!! Hope your Uncoupling goes just smashing Gwyneth and Chris, conscious or not.
The OkCupid Message To Top All Others
I’m not even sure what else I can say…just…just read it for yourself. It’s AMAHZING. In so many ways. Amahzing.
Part II: Long Distance Dud
Well the name of this post kind of gives away what happened, huh? Let’s rewind and review…like we were on a tv show and an announcer was saying “on last week’s adventure…..”
So, my manicurist set me up with a guy in Philly…we went out….we went out again….high school made out Titanic style….and then came time for me to return home to LA….
Looking to Nail Someone? Ask your Manicurst!
So, I’m going to be honest. I am a little behind on stories (aka my life) so I am just going to get the most recent one off my chest/ brain/ heart (bleghhhh) and then go from there….
Well, I mentioned a few weeks back that I had an interesting make out in a car, a make out that felt so high school it could only have happened in front of my parents’ home. Well there is a reason for that. See…my mother has been getting her nails done by the same woman for over 27 years. Wait, aren’t you 27, SSG? Yes, I am. My mother has been seeing the same manicurist since I was an egg and a sperm. Loyalty…yes.
So, whenever I go home, my mom books me an appointment with this manicurist, who I love dearly. And since she loves me dearly, she would like me to settle down with a NJG (nice Jewish guy) not in Los Angeles, where I actually live, but in Philadelphia. And of course she had someone in mind. Because when I walked in one Black Friday, the manicurist gave me the normal guilt trip,but also had the mother of a NJG sitting and waiting for her nails to dry.
And then in walks MY mother….not the braggy type at all, who apparently went on a 30 minute braggy rant about me to some Jewish mom in the nail salon while I got a Pedicure. Let me know if you need a break from the overwhelming Jewlarity of all this.
Well, somehow this NJG’s mom was impressed by me, but not by the fact that I lived across the country. Smart lady! (whoops…foreshadowing??) So she left with her dry nails, and I proceeded to get the 18th degree (see what I did there?) about my lack thereof a love life in LA and why I need to move back to Philly.
As my mom and I got into the car, the manicurist texted my mom in excitement. “NJG wants to go out with SSG!” Ok, I figured what the hell…it’s not like any NJGs, or even Gs (guys) are beating down my door in LA to go out. Why not? So after receiving a phone call from NJG (guys, a PHONE CALL…as in NOT A TEXT) we planned to meet up for drinks that night. And I had a really nice time. Like way nicer than most first dates usually go. Maybe it was because my expectations were lowered because I had nothing to loose, or maybe it was just because I really liked him…
….I already wrote about date number two, so you know how that goes. But why don’t I split this up a bit and leave you on your seats…begging for more…wanting to know what could have possibly happened….To be continued
A Super Brief Happy New Year (and more to come)
So, very sorry for the absence. And sorry it has taken until January sixth ( I know! Six whole days in a brand new year!) to say “happy new year!” It will be my resolution to write more ( and to have more stories to write about…hey, also, help a sister out!!!)
But I do have an excuse for my lack of communication. I was away in Israel and as most of the people I went with know, much of our precious wifi time was spent deciding which Instagram filter to use on a picture of a camel. Mayfair…. I’m all about the Mayfair. But anyhoo, tonight I vanish yet again on a redeye to the exotic locale of Aruba (yes, actually awesome) and I will have time to write some stories that I have been meaning to and was just too busy bargaining in the shouk. So happy 2014, and keep your eyes peeled for some more updates soon. And as promised ( kinda) a picture of a camel:
