Spot on Ad Targeting, Facebook. SPOT….On!

Screen Shot 2013-04-23 at 1.22.30 PMBecause I am clearly in the market for an engagement ring….

Thanks for that additional reminder that I am hopelessly single, Facebook. Just what I need when I am already constantly being reminded about engagements, and weddings, and babies, and blah blah blahhhhhhh…..

AT least this ad is a tad more spot on for the average single lady….

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Throwback Thursday Sad, Single Style

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So I’m home for passover, and was looking for random old cool stuff in my basement….and came across this. Notice that the author is not even referred to by her own name! Whoa…throwback!!!

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Real Valentine’s Day Cards

What do I mean by “REAL”? Well, all that lovey dovey shit that Hallmark or Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character in 500 Days of Summer (when he’s STILL in love with Summer) is BS. Roses are red, my ass. Let’s get real (and like JGL’s character after Summer breaks his heart)….

Really, MEN?! I really want to know if you, ANY OF YOU, would ever have that balls (rim shot...) to say/give this...

Really, MEN?! I really want to know if you, ANY OF YOU, would ever have that balls (rim shot…) to say/give this…

 

If someone gave this to me, they would get back a slap. I don't care that it says I LOVE YOU....

If someone gave this to me, they would get back a slap. I don’t care that it says I LOVE YOU….

I would love for someone to actually give this as a reason to break up with someone ON VDay

I would love for someone to actually give this as a reason to break up with someone ON VDay

 

This is actually quite romantic....Not. No...Never

This is actually quite romantic….Not. No…Never

 

If you are dating someone who doesn't NORMALLY "let you finish"....peace the F out!

If you are dating someone who doesn’t NORMALLY “let you finish”….peace the F out!

 

At least he's being honest/say's he's sorry. Points for polite!

At least he’s being honest/say’s he’s sorry. Points for polite!

 

Classroom style, cutout, creepy as fuck cards! If someone puts any of these in your Valentine's bag, beware cause you might have a stalker in the bushes. Or just an asshole...

Classroom style, cutout, creepy as fuck cards! If someone puts any of these in your Valentine’s bag, beware cause you might have a stalker in the bushes. Or just an asshole…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Un-Impressions (Men Read UP!)

So, pardon me if this is a redundant post…but I feel like I am in a bit of a rut of late. And even though online dating is one of the banes of modern existence, I am giving it another shot. Who knows– maybe my sparkling wit will came off as appealing rather than the demeanor of a hardened criminal to someone other than a hardened criminal? No…well, a girl can hope!

He may be cute, but who the hell is she???!!

He may be cute, but who the hell is she???!!

The thing that has me absolutely BAFFLED though, is the picture men chose to put up on these sites! BEYOND bafflement….and here are the types:

  1. The “I’m clearly in a picture with another girl that I’ve cropped out to give the impression I am popular and that she is my ex (even though really that’s my sister and cousin)”
  2. The “I’m clearly in a picture with other guys that I’ve cropped out to give the impression I am cool and have friends (even though really that’s my brother and his friends at his bachelor party where I totally was a 9th wheel)”
  3. The “I’m clearly in a crowd of people to give you the impression that I don’t just sit in my room and play Halo (even though it’s a green screen)”
  4. The “I am so ugly and embarrassed of my face but not my gun show (or even worse your dick)”
  5. The “I like kids so clearly I should pose with them, making it really confusing for any woman to determine if they are mine or just some randoms (even though it says on my profile that I have no kids)”
  6. The “I have a picture up so clearly I’m not bald or missing eyebrows (even if you can’t see my face because I have sunglasses and a hat on)”
  7. The “I’m clearly just a regular joe who loves a good beer and football (so don’t you love my XXXL jersey and the PBL in my hand?)”
  8. The “Look at how sporty I clearly am (even though this is beyond posed and I’ve never played baseball/football/ anyball before)”
  9. The “I’m too cool to have pictures of myself (because I only take pictures of my food)”

So basically what I’m saying…make your pictures better. They don’t need to be works of art, you don’t need to be the most handsome man on earth. But I would rather a real picture of you than a picture of you with 5 other “DUDES” where I have to deduce which one could possibly be you….

HO-lloween: A Cautionary Tale

Happy Halloween, Ladies & Gents! After what feels like a week full of Halloween & Hurricanes, basically scary stuff…tonight is actually Halloween. And while many feel the need to wear as little clothing as possible, let WonderWoman be a warning to you:

WOnder WOman

I don’t know how NAKED Wonder Woman will save you…uhhhh, don’t really want to think to hard on that!

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