Ok, I think it’s pretty obvious here from my well declared “SINGLE GAL STATUS” (SGS) that I wasn’t the coolest cat in high school. I wasn’t making out under the bleachers, or in the QB’s beamer, or…I don’t know…where else did the popular kids who actually had sex lives in high school do things?
Well, hi there readers! Sorry for the LONG extended break…but mono is a bitch, and of course life decided to hit me while I was down already, and I am currently spending my days with the ladies of The View (not really), drinking like Hoda and Kathie Lee (nope), and enjoying my freedom in more ways than one (a new version of two truths and a lie…2 lies and a truth!)
So hopefully this title is intriguing to you- but no, I did not HAVE SEX with Tucker Max. I merely refer to one of his infamous stories. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Continue reading
You might recall I posted this video about a year ago…
Haha, funny british girls wandering around London with their bits hanging out (sorry, I am probably coming back to America speaking like MAdonna….deal with it!) So, the video was hilarious…until I had such a morning….Today! Here! In London!
Oh, and did I forget to mention, my sim card died (so no working phone, or clue of where the hell I was) AND my bag had gone missing! Such a sadsingle moment…so luckily my tube card was in my jacket, and le gentleman (oh yeah..did I also forget to mention that he was FRENCH. I can’t get an American in America, but I can come all the way to London and manage to get a Frenchman) gave me some pounds for a taxi.
Well, since I had no clue where I was, I decided to hoof it to the tube, and make my way back to my B & B. Where I still have no bag, but at least I’ve got a working phone now. And plans for another evening out on the town. Because apparently there is a game called “Ring of Fire” that I am about to be taught…
more to come…
So you all remember M.A.S.H, right? No, not the tv show about the army doctors that was a groundbreaking account of war that was both comedic AND dramatic! No, I’m talking about the game M.A.S.H- you know, Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House…
Last week, I was wondering around Bev Hills, as I am CLEARLY so prone to do, and I stopped into a store and the woman said to me,
“May I help you?” SSG,” I’m just checkin’ things out.” “Are you looking for something in particular?” SSG,” No. Well, yeah. Something… conservative. You got nice stuff.” Woman in store,” Thank you.” SSG,” How much is this?” “I don’t think this would fit you.” SSG, “Well, I didn’t ask if it would fit. I asked how much it was.” “How much is this, Marie ?” Marie, ” It’s very expensive.” ” It’s very expensive. SSG, ” Look, I got money to spend in here.” Marie’s friend, ” I don’t think we have anything for you. You’re obviously in the wrong place. Please leave.”
Ok, obviously that is a scene from Pretty Woman…So, instead of that little exchange happening, I decided to visit a store where a friend works. And while we were sitting there, she brought up M.A.S.H (because she really wants to marry Jack Porter from Revenge- No! Not Nick Wechsler who plays him, but Jack Porter the character.) And where else can you figure out who you will marry, where you will live, what your job will be, etc….but in the game of M.A.S.H! What, did you think I would say life? No! Mash it out bitches!!!
Well, The Future Mrs. Jonah Hill (my friend from the store, as she will now be known on this blog, due to my MASH suggestion for her hubby being picked) put a MASH bug in my head. The next day, at Happy Hour (were I walked in smack on the dot at 4pm…)I brought it up to my friend….WHO HAD NEVER HEARD OF IT!! She had never played MASH!!!
So, obviously I grabbed some napkins and we played…And you all should, too! If you need help at remembering how to play, you can go here: Like Totally 80s- MASH Rules, except I play differently. The person whose life is being “foretold” (?) picks three things, and the “foreteller” (? sure!) picks the last one….Camp rules, duh!
Anhoos, the Future Mrs. Jonah Hill, was so enthralled by our MASH-tastic time together, that she invited me to a Lithuanian Festival over the weekend, with the warning that it would mean lots of beer drinking and lots of yummy food. Ok, I was in for Sunday!
So, Monday rolls around….And I guess this is the moment where I say to those nearest and dearest to me, this might be a tad TMI. SEE YA NEXT POST?
Alright, you’ve been warned….
So, Monday rolls around…Wait, SSG, are you skipping a whole day? WHAT?
No, so Monday rolls around, and let’s just say TFMJH (the Future Mrs. Jonah Hill) was in NO WAY lying about the beer consumption. And I mean that in a good way…in a do you mean SSG had a drive of shame on a MONDAY morning? Why yes I do! And in fact, the world somehow felt it needed to balance out the good, with some bad…as Mrs. Garrett would probably say.
So as I get dropped at my car, get in, I turn and realize there is green specs everywhere….what? Oh no, not specs…glass. My front passenger window was smashed! SMASHED to fucking pieces.
So not only did I get to drive home in yesterday’s outfit, I got to do it freezing my ass of with the window completely open, and a car full of glass. Whatever, windows can be fixed…in fact mine already is….
Well, I was at a spa the other day. My life isn’t usually that fun or glamorous, but luckily enough I had signed up o the right email list and gotten some cheap deal and was reaping those rewards for an inundated inbox. So, I am getting dressed (and, yes, I’ll admit, looking for whatever free shit I could take. Hey, you would too!) when I notice at the sink, there is a stack if comment cards and a pen. (And no, before you ask, I DIDN’T take the pen).
So, the other day, over drinks (OBVI!!), my friend and I were discussing our (ugh, our….can you really even bother to call these guys our…blerg) “men” situations. Which led to us discussing, what else, but the only way we seem to communicate with members of the opposite sex nowadays..TEXTS! Which led to us both actually reading out loud our text convos (with voices and inflections, of course) to each other. Which led to her noticing that the dude’s number was NOT programmed into my phone…
WHY, might you ask? Because of…THE NUMBER GAMES! (my attempt to make an allegory of this situation to the hunger games…bare with me).