WOOPs: Unconcious Coupling

observe-daterape

This is what Gwyneth is talking about, right?  ….No?! Well, I guess I’m at a complete and total loss then….WOOPs!! Hope your Uncoupling goes just smashing Gwyneth and Chris, conscious or not.

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Scarlett “Scarjo” Johansson

So this might be wild speculation, or facts…and as any of us learned from Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom, you need two (count it 2 sources) to validate a story! So, apparently the couple that no one every really gave a shit about or thought was that real, especially since their movie The Green Goblin Shirt Mumbler Sexiest Man Alive Lantern tanked and they then apparently went and Topped That by buying a house together (?) in Bedford, NY (??) of all places!

This is as conservative as Blake/Serena gets…hey! her legs ARE covered…technically

But you might recall that Mr. Reynolds was married once before….hmmm….younger, blonde, actress…someone has a type!! Blake isn’t the first Mrs. Reynolds! That honor belongs to no other than Scarlett Johansson, who divorced Ryan in 2010 after two years of marriage.

um, ok….?

But Scarlett’s week isn’t just sucking because her ex husband has moved on! No, apparently last week Scarho “reunited” with her ex BOYFRIEND, Jordan CatalonoJared Leto at the DNC:

 

But then mere hours after the world found out the Ryan legally replaced his Scarjo with another ho, The Daily Mail in the UK run this lovely headline:

Awww….poor little red!

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Nazanin Boniadi

Who? Who the fuck is Nanazin Boniadi? Well, according to Vanity Fair, she was actually supposed to be Mrs. Tom Cruise #3 instead of Katie Holmes! But who is she? Well, actually you might recognize her from either How I Met Your Mother, where she played Barney’s girlfriend, Nora, or General Hospital, where she was Leyla Mir (I don’t know what she did on it though…as I don’t watch)….

 

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Katy Perry

First she was married to this:

And then she moved on to this:

Yeah…she didn’t get hottie John Mayer like Jenny or Jess, or Taylor or …I know there are more…many more!

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Helen Gurley Brown, 1922-2012

If you have never heard of Helen Gurly Brown, then maybe you have at least heard of Cosmopolitan Magazine? Well, before that, Helen was actually the original Carrie Bradshaw….

Because before Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha could freely strut their stuff in Sex and the City….the world had to learn to accept that women HAD sex when it wasn’t with their husband! AND, that maybe they could be in control! SHOCKING, I know! So, Helen wrote her book that changed the way women (and men) think….

The original title was actually going to be Sex for the Single Girl…..but that was a bit to risque in 1962!

Helen’s book went on to influence women- both good and bad….because no matter what people thought, it at least created a debate. It at least got people thinking about women as more than just the “Donna Reed” perfect wives or adulterous whores…it found the middle ground. And we wouldn’t have much of the female icons that came after if Helen Gurly Brown never sat down to write her book…in fact the creator of Mad Men, Matthew Weiner frequently attributes her work to the inspiration of the female characters that exist at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce (oh wait, he’s dead!….spoiler alert if you haven’t seen yet, whoops!)

So thank you, Helen Gurly Brown, for all that you did to change the world! Especially, might I add, thank you for telling me 100 Best Sex Tips, His #1 SEX Fantasy, 99 SEX Moves, and Hot & New 50 Sex Tips

 

You will be missed…..but not forgotten….thank you for celebrating the Single Gal all those years ago!

 

 

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Jennifer Aniston

MAZEL TOV, JENNY!!! YEA!!!!!!

For all you Jennifer Aniston haters out there- SUCK IT! Let her be happy! She got screwed over by Angie’s demon vag that snapped away her hubby and has been the fodder of the tabloids for YEARS! Example:

Well, as anyone who knew me growing up could tell you, I have always be a fan of Ms. Aniston. I even had a really ill-fated attempt at a “Rachel” that just did not quite look as good on me….

But Jen has proved to us SSGs that if you hold your head up high, that one day a guy will like it enough to put a ring on it again !!! (Now, can i question the whole men proposing on their birthday thing? Is it to make remembering that anniversary easier?? Huh???)

To the FUTURE Patron Saint of Sad Single Gals, L’Chaim!

 

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Anyone in This Crazy LA Heat

Holy Hotness!! Really, Los Angeles? Gross…this is just gross! We basically all look like James Brown after a marathon performance every time we leave the comfort of the Air Conditioning:

He does not “Feel Good”…right?

You all know that this is you….and it is not a good look. It’s not cooling down at night here, so going out last night was pretty frusterating…since your makeup was literally dripping down your face by the time you stepped into the not adequately ventilated bar. ATTRACTIVE!

 

So enjoy the sun, and don’t overheat…I guess manage to TRY to stay cute (even with the power of the sun making deodorant obsolete for sweat….also is there such a thing as breast deodorant? seriously it is so hot, that there is sweat EVERYWHERE!)
And you can find me somewhere like this today:

Or really, just sitting in my air-conditioned room with cold water and netflix….