Party Rockin’ on Your Phone Tonight: Sad Message-palooza

You know those nights when you walk in to da club and you are just on fire???!! No, me either. But I’ve seen lots of movies and TV shows where this has happened and heard accounts from much less single (or WAY more single..wink wink) friends. I am mostly kidding… I really am just talking about when you go out, you feel great, you look great, and the attention that follows seems to verify that. You are ON!

I imagine those nights to be like this..right?

I imagine those nights to be like this..right?

Well, guys…and gals. Last night, I was on. And I didn’t even have to go anywhere. I didn’t even have to put on makeup….or heels…or do anything. Literally nothing. I received this lovely message that started it off:


Um….ok. That is a pretty oddly phrased invite for what I’m guessing is some casual sex. But glad you think my 3 year old photos from my okcupid profile I haven’t touched in 3 years are cute “though.” Hmmm…ok.

And then a mere 30 minutes later, I received this charming message:


Once again….um….sure.

And then an hour later, this winner sent this missive:


Yes random dude…I totally want to meet up TONIGHT for some “cuddles.” You clearly have no man parts using the word “cuddles” so there is no fear of sex….

And then to top it all of guys, I got this to cap off an evening of rockin’ it online:


Does this work for guys? I mean really…do girls respond when you write only “Hey Beautiful/gorgeous/sexy/pretty/kinda ok looking/ I guess I’d do you/DTF/whatever” ?

So, I guess what I’m saying, is welcome to the age of not having to party rock in the club tonight! Feel just as great as you would, minus losing your dignity, spending money, and possibly getting an STD from some rando….unless you are one of the girls that actually would respond to one of these winners. Then I’m sorry. You deserve to lose whatever. Off to shower off my disgust at how guys these days think women want to be talked too….later!!


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