DTR (not to be confused with dVr)…means Define The Relationship. And in this day and age where we must name every thing in life, this is the moment where you have that discussion with your “signficant,” or what you may come to realize “non significant,” other about what this really is. And when I say really, I mean DEFINE it. Evil, evil, scary words to men (apparently).
There is a kind of wonderfully new charming show in MTV (yeah, I wrote MTV, the home of hoebags, sluts, and orange people) called Awkward. Awkward follows a normal teenage girl. And when I say normal teenage girl I don’t mean Blair Waldorf or Serena Van Der Woodsen “normal” (as much as I love Gossip Girl), because that shit is NOT normal teenage behavior.
The last “balls” I went to..oh, were my prom and my cousin’s bat mitzvah. Pretty sure those doesn’t count.
So back to the show…I mean it is kind of about me. I am utterly awkward. So, it basically just follows a girl like me (if you are reading this you are probably somewhat entertained by awkwardness…it is charming) and her misadventures in high school. So this weeks episode got to the whole “DTR” issue. Watch the show, really you should, but as a cheat I’ll just tell you that she ends up having secret sex with the campus hottie (I could write for teenbeat with that last line, or Sweet Vally High?) and then wants to define “what they are.”
Well, I’ve tried to do the whole DTR thing before. Which is why I totally get how realistic this episode was (big shock: he doesn’t want to DTR! You are so surprised, right? No, yeah, that’s what I thought). See, I have been hurt by guys. So, there was this one guy in college who [warning to family members of mine who have heard whispers of my blog and decided today was the day they were going to give it a look…really? stop now]
I was casual hooking up with. Nothing serious. And I mean hookup in the purely non home run sense (if you aren’t a baseball fan, let’s try hockey: no puck in net, does that work?).
So, being the sadsinglegal that I am, and not wanting to be hurt, I decided let’s have a DTR. And before all the men that read this are like, “what you tried to have a casual relationship and DTR? Girl, that is why you are single!” Well, let me just say, a DTR doesn’t just mean “we are boyfriend and girlfriend now. And we are going to pick out China next week, and my mom is coming to town, and by the way, I’m PREGNANT!” Slow your roll, MEN! When a girl DTRs it doesn’t mean all that.
And in my case especially, it didn’t. At the time, I was really busy with school and work, so last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. So I told this boy (he was so a boy…as B. Spears could’ve sang “He’s still a boy, not yet a man…”) I don’t need this to go anywhere, I just wanted to know what this was. As in, basically I was saying, hey dude, just say we are FWBs and that’s fine because I’ll know that’s what we are, but I just want to know. The look of fear on this boy’s face….
So I didn’t hear from him for about a week and a half. He didn’t have even the decency to come over to my apartment and face me. He just called me (ahh, at least it wasn’t a text) and said all of a sudden he was sooooo busy with work and school and…. Yeah, I can spot bullshit. But here’s the thing about the DTR. I think it is actually a really good Bullshit spotter. You remember in How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days there is the scene where they are all playing the card game Bullshit?
Kind of like that. How guys respond to the DTR is actually a really good indication of if they are completely full of shit and just trying to get in your bed, or if they are actually trying to get in your bed because they want to be with you.