Sorry I’ve been gone a bit…but hey! What a day to reappear!!! Hannah Montana is gettin’ Hitched!
That’s right, folks! Super classy child spawn of Billy Ray “Achy Breaky Heart” Cyrus, Miss Miley Ray Cyrus (Born Destiny Hope Cyrus) has accepted a ring….a 3.5 carat ring might I add….from 22 year old Australian actor, Liam Hemsworth.
Now, before you go all, aww, ain’t that precious on me (and please for the sake of my brain, read this in a white trash southern accent….or a white trash Australian accent, if those exist)….Let’s think about this. Destiny Hope was born in 1992. Nineteen Ninety and fucking TWO!! And so that makes her NINETEEN…19 for all y’all that can’t read. This was the bitch that a few years/months/weeks (?? when did Hannah Montana end? I don’t keep up….only with iCarly!) was acting on a show that’s sole premise was that when she put on a blonde wig people didn’t recognize who she really was, and when she took it off they couldn’t tell that she was a superstar. Wow…..
So, I’m not saying this union is “Destined” to fail or that I “Hope” it will….But I bet a “Hems Worth” of wedding alterations that this union is not going to last!
Although, who knows! Maybe Miley will start popping them out, then go crazy… a la Brit Brit….
Anyways…I’m Back!!! And Still SINGLE, Bitches!!