celebrities

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Scarlett “Scarjo” Johansson

So this might be wild speculation, or facts…and as any of us learned from Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom, you need two (count it 2 sources) to validate a story! So, apparently the couple that no one every really gave a shit about or thought was that real, especially since their movie The Green Goblin Shirt Mumbler Sexiest Man Alive Lantern tanked and they then apparently went and Topped That by buying a house together (?) in Bedford, NY (??) of all places!

This is as conservative as Blake/Serena gets…hey! her legs ARE covered…technically

But you might recall that Mr. Reynolds was married once before….hmmm….younger, blonde, actress…someone has a type!! Blake isn’t the first Mrs. Reynolds! That honor belongs to no other than Scarlett Johansson, who divorced Ryan in 2010 after two years of marriage.

um, ok….?

But Scarlett’s week isn’t just sucking because her ex husband has moved on! No, apparently last week Scarho “reunited” with her ex BOYFRIEND, Jordan CatalonoJared Leto at the DNC:

 

But then mere hours after the world found out the Ryan legally replaced his Scarjo with another ho, The Daily Mail in the UK run this lovely headline:

Awww….poor little red!

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Nazanin Boniadi

Who? Who the fuck is Nanazin Boniadi? Well, according to Vanity Fair, she was actually supposed to be Mrs. Tom Cruise #3 instead of Katie Holmes! But who is she? Well, actually you might recognize her from either How I Met Your Mother, where she played Barney’s girlfriend, Nora, or General Hospital, where she was Leyla Mir (I don’t know what she did on it though…as I don’t watch)….

 

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Katy Perry

First she was married to this:

And then she moved on to this:

Yeah…she didn’t get hottie John Mayer like Jenny or Jess, or Taylor or …I know there are more…many more!

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Jennifer Aniston

MAZEL TOV, JENNY!!! YEA!!!!!!

For all you Jennifer Aniston haters out there- SUCK IT! Let her be happy! She got screwed over by Angie’s demon vag that snapped away her hubby and has been the fodder of the tabloids for YEARS! Example:

Well, as anyone who knew me growing up could tell you, I have always be a fan of Ms. Aniston. I even had a really ill-fated attempt at a “Rachel” that just did not quite look as good on me….

But Jen has proved to us SSGs that if you hold your head up high, that one day a guy will like it enough to put a ring on it again !!! (Now, can i question the whole men proposing on their birthday thing? Is it to make remembering that anniversary easier?? Huh???)

To the FUTURE Patron Saint of Sad Single Gals, L’Chaim!

 

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Lena Dunham for The New Yorker

UGHHHHHHH! Seriously, can I barf on her? She is filled with such smarmy self-satisfaction of “I don’t fit into the confines of typical Hollywoodness that I’m just going to be so weird and make you believe my weird is so wonderfully weird and acceptable.” UGGGGHHH, even the way she speaks make me want to punch her….

Take a look at the video (this oh so “clever” video) that Lena did for new app for The New Yorker:

Sorry if you are in love with this nonsense, but really?? Come on sweetheart, stop it! Stop making fun of things in your highbrow, highwaisted world that you have concocted for yourself! And before you say, “SSG, she creates such a positive self image for girls!” BULLLLLLL to the SHITTT! No! The characters on her show are all overprivileged Girls with over realized expectations. Because you know what? I actually do exactly what the mom in the pilot said to do when Lena’s character was cut off and complained that she was “the voice of her generation.” I have a fucking job…and I write a blog! So, I guess this SSG of the Day also goes out top all you ladies who sit and stare at the TV and think “that is so my life (or the life I want)” while you watch Girls. Because really? I’m serious….REALLY???