So a lot of the times when I write, I use humor as a way to maybe cope with feelings – you know how in Friends Chandler’s always making jokes, even at the most inappropriate times?
Well, that is kind of me on here. Sometimes rather than actually reflecting on what is making me sad, or angry, or upset, I joke it off.
Well, I’m actually sad, angry, and upset- and this is where I go when I am, but today I’m going to choose to be serious. To tell it like it is (some funny might leak it, I can’t help it!)
As the holidays approach, us singles know it is not an easy time. You are confronted with couples holding hands all over the mall, magazines (or websites) telling you what to buy for your man, Love Actually playing non-stop, and in between breaks of Love Actually, there are the awesome commercials of couples cozying up to the fire…while you sit alone finishing off a bottle of wine Olivia Pope style. It can get really depressing.
Well, to make matters worse, my birthday is smack in the middle of this holiday bonanza – right in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Smack in the middle of the holiday parties, and gatherings, and endless reminders that you might die alone. And if you recall, I had mono last year over my birthday- so that wasn’t particularly awesome. Or fun. In any way. I put on a dress to make an appearance at my so called “party” that barely any of my friends even bothered letting me know they weren’t going to bother attending. And I sat there wanting to die alone…don’t worry, this time because of the mono.
Well, this year the same group of people wanted to throw a party. And I said yes, anything had to be better than last year. Silly, foolish, shortsighted me…because I constantly forget the wrenches being single sometimes throws into situations like this. What am I talking about? Oh, two of the people are married, dear friends, who I really do enjoy spending time with. But, and please, comment, text, send a skywriter if I am wrong, if you have experiences of your own that are vastly different- but clearly the priorities of a married couple are different than a single girl. If they weren’t, there would be an issue.
But the problem I am finding is that I am feeling belittled, literally feeling small and ignored. Almost insignificant. As if getting older and being alone isn’t hard enough, the worst thing really is to feel sad about it, not proud and sure of yourself. The last thing I want is for someone to put me down, especially I’m sure when they don’t realize the single view point. So not that I am asking for anything, or want anything to happen, maybe just hoping a little that if I let go of these feelings a little maybe I will feel better. Because, as I said, I don’t have anyone fighting on my behalf, going to bat for me, or even pouring my glass of wine. I’m responsible for myself, and that’s ok…for now.