Textual Intercourse

Let’s face it. Romance is dead. Lloyd Dobler isn’t going to stand under your window with a boombox. Mark Darcy isn’t going to tell you you’re perfect just the way you are. Johnny isn’t going to pull you out of the corner and tell everyone that he had the time of his life with you. Edward isn’t going to rescue you from a life of prostitution. (This is a tricky one…Pretty Woman falls into a questionable hole.) Harry isn’t going to come find on New Year’s Eve, and admit he loves you BECAUSE of your neurotic flaws. And Noah isn’t going to write you letters every day for four years (even though your bitchy mother might not give them to you).

Instead, Llyod might email you a link to a Youtube video with the subject line “SRY”. Mark Darcy would probably like your profile picture, possibly even write that you “look lovely just the way you are.” Johnny probably would text you, “Hey babe. I see you in the corner with your parents. Skip out and let’s hookup.” Harry would bbm you and get annoyed when you drunk dialed in return. And Noah would tweet you, but probably get bored if you weren’t witty enough in 140 characters.

The problem is that as women, we are still being force-fed these magical ideas of romance and in reality, I am just not seeing it. Instead, my experience falls into the pathetic realm that I deem “Textual Intercourse.” We have come a long way from the days of actual “courtship.” Now courting is done through text, email, and facebook. The major problem with this is that the whole point of flirting with someone is to actually FLIRT WITH THEM! We have become so accustomed to equating just receiving a text to flirting, that men can get a way with anything. If they only knew the power of a phone call….

The other problem is when we get into the whole Game of it All. As a single gal, I want the man to approach me, ask me out, ask for my number. But clearly it doesn’t happen this way or I would be MarriedwithChildGal. But I have learned that when a guy gives me his number, I give him mine instead and tell him to call me. But then the eternal struggle of he texted me last/ I texted two days ago and didn’t hear back begins. Basically, it just sucks because everyone is essentially walking on eggshells in what should be a natural and romantic experience. Besides the fact that tone can’t be deciphered, we often type things we wouldn’t say in person. And sometimes that’s intentional. It’s far easier to flirt through a text then to actually say it in real life. The digital arena can provide a comfort zone that allows you to maybe lead people on that you really don’t want anything to do with.

Which leads me back to my original point. All the amazing movies (ok, besides You’ve Got Mail) try to prove to us that love should be this great, grand, gesture. And instead we are settling for emoticons. Have you noticed how boring romance is getting in some tv shows and movies? It’s because it’s how it is in real life…but why are we settling for textual intercourse rather than sexual intercourse?

One thought on “Textual Intercourse

  1. Enjoying your blog!!!!! But don’t be sad. Sad would have to be dating some of the guys your writing about. 🙂

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