First off, NO! I didn’t even want to “Read More.” Second, what kind of name is Andrey? No, really, can someone please let me know?! Is it like a mixture of Andrew and Audrey? Is is Landrey from Friday Night Lights, without the L? Any clues?

But MOST IMPORTANTLY, Andrey, no, I am NOT willing to, as you say, “be” your woman. The creepiness factor alone of writing to a girl you don’t know and saying “I want to get a woman,” is high enough…don’t make it worse by asking me to be her…Because honestly, in my mind I am just envisioning Screech from Saved By the Bell (and we all know how that turned out…Porn, in case you didn’t know…)