In honor of writing my 100th post on Friday, which now means that this is my 101 post…which just makes me think of 101 Dalmations….which of course makes me think of Cruella de Vil…which of course makes me think of dying alone…I bring you 101 Reasons I Am Sad And [Still] Single.

Oh, this crazy bitch had no one that loved her either....

1. Bradley Cooper won’t return my calls (and the restraining order is still enforced!)


"Hey, Brad...it's SSG again!"


2. I get really shy around guys…

3. Or I can act really defensive around guys

4. I cross my arms at bars, and stand in the corner

5. When a guy asks me to dance I tell him no

6. Patti Stanger wouldn’t let me into the Millionaire’s Club after I refused to straighten my hair




Oh, you won't straighten your hair? You're out! Leave!! Go! Good Riddance.


7. My idea of the perfect man is Uncle Jesse (especially the living in the attic of your dead sister’s families house)

8. I travel a lot for work

9. I network too much and never have time to go on a date

10. I have a better job than most guys my age so that intimidates them

11. My idea of a fun date is anywhere that Martha Stewart would love to hangout (Michael’s, Color-me Mine)

12. My cats take up too much space in my apartment for a guy

13. When a guy asked me to send him a naked picture, I went to the grocery store and took a picture of a Naked Juice bottle

14. My bed is filled with my priceless Beanie Babies collection, that can not be moved from their specific spots

15. The walls of my bedroom are filled with my priceless doll collection that stare at me while I sleep

16. I laugh like Janice from Friends

17. I friend every guy I meet on facebook and then get upset when they don’t remember me

18. My iPhone has a setting on it that randomly calls people, and it seems to only be guys, guys that I have gone out with. How weird!

19. My idea of foreplay is you emptying my litterbox…meow!!

20. I call your mom after date number two to see how compatible our families will be.

21. Guys only use me to get to my hotter friends.

22. I’ll say yes to any guy who asks me out on a date…even if I’m not attracted in the least bit

23. I only seem to attract weirdos

24. I google and facebook stalk every guy I go out with before a first date

25. I also do a follow-up stalk after the date with the details he has provided on the date

26. My sarcasm is always taken too seriously

27. Mr. Darcy is a fictional character.



FItzwilliam or Mark


28. It’s easier to look at a phone then at a guy (no matter how Ryan Gosling-y he is)

29. I play so hard to get, that I end up actually losing

30. I love drama…so how am I supposed to settle for a plain old relationship when Blair Waldorf gets to be with Chuck, then someone else, then Chuck, then someone else, then Chuck, then the lispy prince, now Dan! DRAMA!!

31. Being Jewish, it ain’t easy finding a boy who is taller than me when I am taller than 5’8 (without my Manolos!)

32. I was a great wing woman for all my friends, but now of no one to go to the bar with and help me get a man

33. I never go anywhere to meet any one, unless the Trader Joe’s in Weho counts….

34. I really do believe in fairytales…damn you Disney!

35.I’m still hoping my ex will want me back some day

36. My ex ran off with someone else

37. I am the pickiest person you will ever meet…

38. I can’t tolerate men that eat fast food

39. I also can’t tolerate men that play video games

40. I keep hearing people say something about Halitosis, but I don’t really know what that is

41. Whenever I eat, it looks like I have lost a tooth.

42. I am really trying to bring the Mullet back into style

43. Whenever I go to the movies with a date, I tell them the ending before it happens

44. I have an extremely small bladder

45. I only go out with guys that are way out of my league

46. I only go out with guys that I am way out of their league

47. I don’t like to compromise

48. I will never make a real decision

49. I only like to eat one dish and order the same thing no matter what restaurant you take me to

50. I am way too easy

51. I am such a prude

52. You can tell how desperate I am by the tramp stamp on my back




Klassy!

53. I constantly tell people I love them after one date

54. My favorite catchphrase to use is “Whaaaazzzzzup!”

55. My favorite catchphrase to use is “BOOYAH”

56. My favorite catchphrase to use is “As If!”

57. I have favorite catchphrases

58. I would miss being asked by my grandmother “So, is there anyone special in your life?” and seeing the crushing disappointment when she realizes she will never have great-grandchildren

58. I would miss being asked by random family friends when I visit home “So, is there anyone special in your life?” and seeing them smirk at the fact that THEIR kids are married

59. I would miss being asked by random strangers “So, is there anyone special in your life?” and trying to decipher what their expression to my saying no means

60. I am too fat

61. I am too thin

62. I am too tall

63. I am too short

64. I am too pale

65. I am too tan

66. My hair is too blonde

67. My hair is too brown

68. I am a GINGER

69. My hair is too long

70. My hair is too short

71. I eat red meat

72. I’m a vegan

73. I’m gluten-free

74. I don’t believe in killing animals for our enjoyment, and this includes murdering plants by cooking them above what we humans recognize as body temperature.

75. I think shaving is unnatural

76. I think soap is unnatural

77. I am too desperate to have men find me attractive

78. I am not desperate enough to date the losers that hit on me

79. I have an idea of someone in my head that is perfect and I just haven’t found them yet

80. I always think the next guy will be better than the last

81. I am not very good at cheating on people

82. I am constantly being cheated on

83. The guy I am sleeping with promises he will leave his wife, but on facebook I am still single

84. I wouldn’t want to have to take down “in a relationship” on facebook if I every did break up with someone and have people ask lots of questions

85. I think that eye contact is making the first move

86. I have a wonky eye, and can’t really make great eye contact

87. I never really like to make the first move

88. I am oblivious to being asked out

89. I believe in love at first sight

90. I am turned off by physical imperfections

91. I’ll stay in if I have a zit

92. I wear too much makeup

93. I don’t believe in makeup

94. I only talk about myself

95. I don’t talk about anything personal at all

96. I get tongue-tied around men

97. I can’t really trust anyone

98. I trust too easily and thus, scare men away

99. I scare men away with my morning hair/breathe

100. If they liked it, they would have put a ring on it



oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh....


AND……

101. Because…I don’t know. What are you looking at me for? Huh? If I had ALL the answers I CLEARLY wouldn’t still be single, right?

*Please refer to #26 if you are unable to see that most of these reasons are a joke.