Sad Stories

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SSG’s Fables: The Tortoise and the Hare

So I hope you all remember Aesop’s Fables, and the one about the Tortoise and the Hare. Basically, the Hare (rabbit, bunny…what have you) ran ahead of the Tortoise (turtle…any other names??) so confident in his speed, that he plopped himself down before the finish. And who won the race? The slow one. The turtle. The TORTOISE.


Men, Gentlemen, FELLOWS. People of the opposite sex, lend me your ears err, attention, just for a moment. I know you didn’t all watch Sex and the City. So you might not know this infamous “Jack Rabbit” scene: Continue reading →

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Walk of Shame….London style, with a side of French

You might recall I posted this video about a year ago…


Haha, funny british girls wandering around London with their bits hanging out (sorry, I am probably coming back to America speaking like MAdonna….deal with it!) So, the video was hilarious…until I had such a morning….Today! Here! In London!

Where the night began….Apparently the Playboy Club is still a thing!

Oh, and did I forget to mention, my sim card died (so no working phone, or clue of where the hell I was) AND my bag had gone missing! Such a sadsingle moment…so luckily my tube card was in my jacket, and le gentleman (oh yeah..did I also forget to mention that he was FRENCH. I can’t get an American in America, but I can come all the way to London and manage to get a Frenchman) gave me some pounds for a taxi.
Well, since I had no clue where I was, I decided to hoof it to the tube, and make my way back to my B & B. Where I still have no bag, but at least I’ve got a working phone now. And plans for another evening out on the town. Because apparently there is a game called “Ring of Fire” that I am about to be taught…

more to come…

Lovely, Lovely Londoners….

xo,

SSG

 

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Overheard on the Underground

Oh, btw…I’m in London!!!

 

Really….mind the gap!

He made me slap it forever last night. That betta’ pay off!

– Random girl in the tube

Now, I am no aficionado on London Slang, but….pretty good bet that slap…..Yup, She sure must be a handy girl!!

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From M.A.S.H-ed to Smashed

So you all remember M.A.S.H, right? No, not the tv show about the army doctors that was a groundbreaking account of war that was both comedic AND dramatic! No, I’m talking about the game M.A.S.H- you know, Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House…

Married Hugh Grant, Lived in Paris, as an Art Critic and Drive a jeep…home to your Mansion…

Last week, I was wondering around Bev Hills, as I am CLEARLY so prone to do, and I stopped into a store and the woman said to me,

“May I help you?” SSG,” I’m just checkin’ things out.”  “Are you looking for something in particular?” SSG,” No. Well, yeah. Something… conservative. You got nice stuff.”  Woman in store,” Thank you.” SSG,” How much is this?”  “I don’t think this would fit you.” SSG,  “Well, I didn’t ask if it would fit. I asked how much it was.”  “How much is this, Marie ?” Marie, ” It’s very expensive.” ” It’s very expensive. SSG, ” Look, I got money to spend in here.” Marie’s friend, ” I don’t think we have anything for you. You’re obviously in the wrong place. Please leave.”

Ok, obviously that is a scene from Pretty Woman…So, instead of that little exchange happening, I decided to visit a store where a friend works. And while we were sitting there, she brought up M.A.S.H (because she really wants to marry Jack Porter from Revenge- No! Not Nick Wechsler who plays him, but Jack Porter the character.) And where else can you figure out who you will marry, where you will live, what your job will be, etc….but in the game of M.A.S.H! What, did you think I would say life? No! Mash it out bitches!!!

Well, The Future Mrs. Jonah Hill (my friend from the store, as she will now be known on this blog, due to my MASH suggestion for her hubby being picked) put a MASH bug in my head. The next day, at Happy Hour (were I walked in smack on the dot at 4pm…)I brought it up to my friend….WHO HAD NEVER HEARD OF IT!! She had never played MASH!!!

WHAT???????????????

So, obviously I grabbed some napkins and we played…And you all should, too! If you need help at remembering how to play, you can go here: Like Totally 80s- MASH Rules, except I play differently. The person whose life is being “foretold” (?) picks three things, and the “foreteller” (? sure!) picks the last one….Camp rules, duh!

Anhoos, the Future Mrs. Jonah Hill, was so enthralled by our MASH-tastic time together, that she invited me to a Lithuanian Festival over the weekend, with the warning that it would mean lots of beer drinking and lots of yummy food. Ok, I was in for Sunday!

So, Monday rolls around….And I guess this is the moment where I say to those nearest and dearest to me, this might be a tad TMI. SEE YA NEXT POST?

Alright, you’ve been warned….

So, Monday rolls around…Wait, SSG, are you skipping a whole day? WHAT?

No, so Monday rolls around, and let’s just say TFMJH (the Future Mrs. Jonah Hill) was in NO WAY lying about the beer consumption. And I mean that in a good way…in a do you mean SSG had a drive of shame on a MONDAY morning? Why yes I do! And in fact, the world somehow felt it needed to balance out the good, with some bad…as Mrs. Garrett would probably say.

So as I get dropped at my car, get in, I turn and realize there is green specs everywhere….what? Oh no, not specs…glass. My front passenger window was smashed! SMASHED to fucking pieces.

No, mine was even worse….

So not only did I get to drive home in yesterday’s outfit, I got to do it freezing my ass of with the window completely open, and a car full of glass. Whatever, windows can be fixed…in fact mine already is….

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Scarlett “Scarjo” Johansson

So this might be wild speculation, or facts…and as any of us learned from Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom, you need two (count it 2 sources) to validate a story! So, apparently the couple that no one every really gave a shit about or thought was that real, especially since their movie The Green Goblin Shirt Mumbler Sexiest Man Alive Lantern tanked and they then apparently went and Topped That by buying a house together (?) in Bedford, NY (??) of all places!

This is as conservative as Blake/Serena gets…hey! her legs ARE covered…technically

But you might recall that Mr. Reynolds was married once before….hmmm….younger, blonde, actress…someone has a type!! Blake isn’t the first Mrs. Reynolds! That honor belongs to no other than Scarlett Johansson, who divorced Ryan in 2010 after two years of marriage.

um, ok….?

But Scarlett’s week isn’t just sucking because her ex husband has moved on! No, apparently last week Scarho “reunited” with her ex BOYFRIEND, Jordan CatalonoJared Leto at the DNC:

 

But then mere hours after the world found out the Ryan legally replaced his Scarjo with another ho, The Daily Mail in the UK run this lovely headline:

Awww….poor little red!