Uncategorized

by

What’s In A Name?

The full quote being:

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

(Yeah…I studied theatre…RE…in college…so sue me for the Shakespeare quotes and puns)

That being said, I don’t think Juliet (Juliet, ala Romeo & Juliet, said the above) knew anything about online dating! Continue reading →

by

How About We….

I can’t be the only one who is asked by EVERYONE, and when I say EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE (yeah, that was a lovely convo with MY FATHER!), if I have tried dating sites. And being the sassy sad single Jewish gal that I am, it is always, “So have you tried JDate?” And imagine that in a nasally Jewish voice to get the full feeling.

Well, dating sites suck! They may be wonderful for some people, I just don’t think I am “some people.” Well I came across this article yesterday at work in my endless, online boredom:

So besides the douchey looking dude in the picture, I don’t know. Kind of makes sense. Could be as dumb as the rest of them…I’m looking at you OkCupid….but hey..what have I got to lose. So, hey, how about we…I don’t know..I’ll get back to you later.

by

A Date, or Not A Date? That is the Question.

Part of what makes my sad single self so wonderfully sad, is my ability to be completely dense when it comes to anything romantic involving myself. When it comes to others, I can see it clear as day. To quote the classic amazing film that I have seen a lot because it is always on TBS, The Wedding Planner, starring none other than romantically challenged herself diva, Jennifer Lopez, “You know the expression. Those who don’t do teach? Well those who don’t wed plan!”

Sidenote about this movie and all of J. Lo's movies: she is always either 1. an orphan 2. has a dead parent 3. italian or white (which she clearly nis't)....why? just let her have two parents and be Puerto Rican or at least Mexican?

Well, I am basically ‘ole Jenny from the Block in the wedding planner, except no hot doctor is saving me from a dumpster rolling down the street to kill me. But I am that dense. If love was a dumpster it literally would have to run me over for me to notice it. I am basically that scene in Clueless where she is wandering around Bev Hills and then and the exact same moment the fountain goes off behind her in a triumphant cinematic moment, Cher realizes:

But Cher realizes BEFORE Tai does anything, before she has lost Josh! I seem to have these (far less triumphant moments…where is my special effects team to time fountains to my feelings??) when I actually realizes that someone has had any inkling of flirting, or whatever you could call toward me? Which is why I ask “A date or not a date?” (a la Hamlet, of course…although everyone did die in that. Hmmm.)

At least Hamlet had Yorik...

Some things I seem to be having a-ha moments about or can recognize when it happens to others that makes me go DATE:

    1. If they show actual interest in you. This can often be misconstrued with someone asking questions simply to fill time. But if you have brought something up in conversation, and they remember it (!) by at least the end of the evening, this probably means they aren’t just filling time before they call their FWB.
    2. If a guy offers to pay for your drink, and then keeps his tab open. This is a move that I often don’t realize is happening and offer to get the next round…don’t it will turn date into not a date.
    3. If you are complimented on an object of clothing, hair, and/or eyes. Guys do not notice these things if they are not looking for SOME reason.

Any quickly realize it is NOT a date:

    1. If an ex is mentioned in ANY way! Or worse, a CURRENT girlfriend! Or worse, a current BOYFRIEND! (I can be dense, but my gaydar is good at least).
    2. If you have to go dutch on dinner! And even worse, if the guy doesn’t understand that you offering to pay is fake it makes you split…happened to a friend…ouch!

This is all I have so far…maybe the dense fog will start to clear for me a little? Let’s just hope the sun hasn’t already started to set once I can clearly see (ok, enough with the weird nature/romance metaphors). Happy dating/non-dating!

What will probably happen to me if I stay sad and single...or if I don't get Botox

by

Good is the new Bad (I Hope!)

Speaking of cellphones and all the evils of technology, I will quote what I hope to become the immortal words of the one and only “Elle Woods”/”Tracy Flick”/ Reese Witherspoon (however you want to think of her):

I get it, girls, that it’s cool to be a bad girl. But it is possible to make it in Hollywood without doing a reality show. When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed. And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people!

Who does she think she's kidding?!


Hide your face! So, for all the girls out there, it’s totally possible to be a good girl, I’m going to try to make it cool.

by

A Sad Single Gal Gets on a Plane

As I am sitting at the airport waiting to board my red eye home for Memorial Day weekend, I am struck with the single gal aspect of getting onto a plane. How many movies, or tv shows, or books (yeah, I read…chic lit, but that still counts!) have you seen/read/or in my mom’s case heard, where desperate single gal gets on a plane and somehow the love of her life sits right down next to her?

Probably every time you have seen a plane and a single person combined together in a work of fiction, that’s how many! But for some reason ever time I step onto a plane, the love of my life seems to have taken a different flight. In college, it was worse. The airline I would fly most often was Southwest. In those days, Southwest didn’t have the fancy number system they have now. So I would get there early, get on the plane and then pray that some hot guy wouldn’t pass me by. Of course I always got the fat old men in unironic Hawaiian shirts that talked to me about their daughters- ugh, I don’t give a shit and get your fat off of me!

I also have a weird superstition (not that I really follow it or anything, but, hey…). You know when you are switching your seat when you check in online. What if your original seat was next to TLOYL (the love of your life)? What if you just royally fucked that up? But like I said, I don’t really buy into my own superstition, I just worry about it (getting an aisle seat is far too important).

But the worst thing about flying as a single gal is when you get stuck in a row with “that couple.” Oh, you know that couple I am talking about! They are too cute, cuddle and annoying and make you want to barf, and they also bicker with each other, which makes you want to hit them even more. And more often than not, they are ill prepared to travel, peeking over at what I am watching on my ipad. And as I write this waiting patiently for my plane to board, there is the most annoying girl speaking baby talk loud enough that I can hear it and leaning all over her boyfriend. Get a room! Oh wait…grrrrr!!!!