I’m not even sure what else I can say…just…just read it for yourself. It’s AMAHZING. In so many ways. Amahzing.
If you are not aware, I live in Los Angeles. A city that is pretty hard to find a man in, as it seems to be bifurcated into tiny little pockets were you have to find the person that might suit you best. So, any help, guidance, handbooks are welcome. Well, yesterday while purchasing a book at Barnes and Noble….yes, I still buy books…I came across the new issue of Los Angeles magazine, with the cover reading “This Issue is Smokin’! SEX IN LA”
NO! Get your mind out of the freakin’ gutter! I am not referring to threesomes vs. masturbation….nor am I referring to Basketball and the upcoming NCAA tournament, in which I somehow manage to do fairly well every year with little to no knowledge. No, I’m talking about dating (durrhhh…what else would I be talking about).
Well, when I was stuck in bed with mono for about a month, I obviously watched more than my fair share of senseless TV. And when you think of senseless TV, I don’t know what you think of, but my mind goes straight to Andy Cohen and Bravo! Housewives, and Matchmakers, and Top Chefs, Oh My! I love it all! So, clearly as this show was canceled and aired at like 7:00pm at night, no one else was watching Start-Ups: Silicon Valley. Well, it was about internet start ups. And no matter how pretty some of the people were, they were nerds…awkward nerds. Which doesn’t make for riveting television I guess…
So one of the nerds (maybe I should be nicer…he sold his company to Facebook on the show and is now richer than I will ever be..) well, he went to New York to visit a friend whose internet startup was based there. And this is where I found out about Grouper.
So if you have been under a rock, or already have a mate and just get a good ole kick out of my hilarious mistakes on the road to love, you probably don’t know of Grouper. Well, basically it is “Group Dating.” Imagine the idea of someone you know saying, “I’ve got someone who’s perfect for you!” And they tell you were and when to meet, but NOTHING about the other person. Meaning, no preconceived facebook stalking! But what makes this even better is that you get to bring two friends with you, and your set up brings two friends with them! Everyone is being set up! WHAAAAAA??!!!! Yup. NO longer do you have to have your friend do “the call,” the are you alive/is he cute/do you need a fauxmergency?
So I have currently been on two groupers. (btw the site doesn’t like you to call them dates…it’s a social club….they are groupers…ok). So the first one I went on, my friends and I get to our assigned location on time and awkwardly sit at our reserved table in a row of three (they make a reservation and the first drink is included in the fee). And there is one guy sitting alone at the bar…and I know in the back of my mind that he is one of the guys. And of course as ladies we start talking…probably embarassing shit….and then two guy walks up to the guy at the bar and they of course are our three men. It was actually a fairly nice icebreaker though.
And that “grouper” actually seemed to go well. Each girl was into a different guy….which obviously is a concern, right? What if all three girls like the same guy? So, yeah, it was fun. Good talk, good time. And at the end of the night, the three of us ladies gave of emails (I know..) to one of the guys. And, surprise, surprise, we actually were emailed the next day, with the two other guys cc’ed saying they had a great time! And I even got grouper point (yeah, well, actually KARMA…) saying someone had a great time! SO I emailed the guy that I liked…that I presumably was hitting it off with. And then, NOTHING. Nada. No response. Oh well.
So last Thursday was my second grouper. One of the girls has started seeing someone since our last one, so another single friend of mine became apart of the threesome. And let me just say, I would rather have a good time and the guy not respond then these three milquetoast dudes (yea! I found a reason to use that word in real life).
So a feature of Grouper I haven’t mentioned is your concierge…our LA one is Lexi. Well, can I just the best part of my grouper was texting with her? Shall I post it? Yes? Ok!!!
Lexi: Hey SSG, hope things are going well! Don’t forget to take a groupergram for a shot at a free round.
SSG: They are not totally our type but nice
Lexi: Eeekk… I’m really sorry they didn’t turn out to be the best match for you girls… Hope it’s still a fun night though!
SSG: We’re talking about finding our parents porn
I hope this makes it on texts from grouper
Lexi: Hahaha, ahhh classic Grouper bonding ;-p
SSG: We got the bar to play the Dawson’s creek theme song and are singing along
Lexi: Is the bar singing along with you!??!?
SSG: No! Just us three girls and one of the boys.. And they thought you were a bot!
Lexi: A bot?! Come on now 😉
SSG: You are so not a bot!
Lexi: You know it, girl
SSG: Grouper fail
Lexi: What?! What happened? Sounded like the night was getting gooood at the Dawson’s Creek singalong!
SSG: Nope! One of the guys already left! But there might be one match happening
Lexi: Oooo! Lucky pair. Sorry to hear the guys weren’t exactly your type but so happy you were able to make a fun night out of it!
SSG: The guy that we are “stuck talking to” as he won’t leave his friend, he told me he doesn’t trust anything I say
Lexi: Hahaha omg! Why would he say that?
SSG: He sucks
SSG: Yeah he also did a live reading of my blog.. Which was funny, but as it was about a bad date is kind if ironic
Lexi: Hahaha goodness! What are the odds.
SSG: Lets hope better next time
Lexi: We’ll make sure of it! Promise!
Ok, so clearly there where fun/funny moments. But that’s because my friends were there. Which is why even though it was a GROUPER FAIL, it was still super fun. Because I’m still always going to have fun on a night out with my girls! Especially when Paula Cole is involved….
So, pardon me if this is a redundant post…but I feel like I am in a bit of a rut of late. And even though online dating is one of the banes of modern existence, I am giving it another shot. Who knows– maybe my sparkling wit will came off as appealing rather than the demeanor of a hardened criminal to someone other than a hardened criminal? No…well, a girl can hope!
The thing that has me absolutely BAFFLED though, is the picture men chose to put up on these sites! BEYOND bafflement….and here are the types:
So basically what I’m saying…make your pictures better. They don’t need to be works of art, you don’t need to be the most handsome man on earth. But I would rather a real picture of you than a picture of you with 5 other “DUDES” where I have to deduce which one could possibly be you….
I really thought that was the worst. Being SAD. And being SINGLE.
Turns out there is something worse…being Sad, single, and SOOOO fucking desperate that you would do this:
Yeah, that’s right. I am an online ageist. But I mean this in a good way. I mean this in the way that you all understand why To Catch A Predator with Chris Hansen had a reason for existing (oh Chris Hansen…you really cheated…online…and got caught…really?).
On all of the online dating sites they ask what your age range is, which makes perfect sense. It would make sense that as a 24 year old, I would ideally (IDEALLY…notice the italics) date someone a little older, but not too old. Like say 26-29, maybe even 30. Ah, if only it was that easy. Continue reading
I feel like I shared of my recent trip home, where everyone over the age of 30 seemed to ask, “So have you tried online dating? Are you on Jdate?” Even my dad got in on the action! (Awkward Alert!) Well, I came across this video today that makes a WHOLE lot of sense given my experience in my experience in the land of online dating sites: