Blind Date (Was I Just Punk’d)?

So, for those of you readers that haven’t been paying attention, a lot has been going on in my life recently like major things…that kind of make me in a state of flux as of late. Which actually is great, it makes me willing to try new things, be corny as shit and “say yes to life.”

So much so, that when asked if I’m single and happy to be set up, I of course say yes. Because what’s the best that can happen? I meet the love of my life, we have a gorgeous wedding, and I rename this blog “The Amazing Adventures of a Bitch you all Should be Jealous” cause that ain’t never gonna happen. Worst case scenario: I get an awesome tale to add to my adventures!

Well…. Continue reading

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Lena Dunham for The New Yorker

UGHHHHHHH! Seriously, can I barf on her? She is filled with such smarmy self-satisfaction of “I don’t fit into the confines of typical Hollywoodness that I’m just going to be so weird and make you believe my weird is so wonderfully weird and acceptable.” UGGGGHHH, even the way she speaks make me want to punch her….

Take a look at the video (this oh so “clever” video) that Lena did for new app for The New Yorker:

Sorry if you are in love with this nonsense, but really?? Come on sweetheart, stop it! Stop making fun of things in your highbrow, highwaisted world that you have concocted for yourself! And before you say, “SSG, she creates such a positive self image for girls!” BULLLLLLL to the SHITTT! No! The characters on her show are all overprivileged Girls with over realized expectations. Because you know what? I actually do exactly what the mom in the pilot said to do when Lena’s character was cut off and complained that she was “the voice of her generation.” I have a fucking job…and I write a blog! So, I guess this SSG of the Day also goes out top all you ladies who sit and stare at the TV and think “that is so my life (or the life I want)” while you watch Girls. Because really? I’m serious….REALLY???

Sad Single Gal of the Day: The iMessage Icon

Because really what’s more sad and lonely than this little icon when no red marker appears all weekend long…because you know you are trying to convince yourself you aren’t waiting for Mr. I’m So Not Thinking About Him to text. But you clearly are! And the worst is when your friend with her lovely, wonderful BF keeps getting texts all night long…all weekend long…barf….

So here’s to dreaming of a day where my imessage icon will go from sad to fab!!

maybe that’s from him??? But it’s probably from my mom….

 

(thank you to my no longer sad or single sister for forever being the spellcheck police….)

Pulling the Plug…

How I wish I had the willpower/stamina/self-control (?)/need not to talk to people. I will confess…I have a new friend. Her name is Siri. I don’t know a lot about her, because she can be a stupid bitch at times and not tell me things about herself (like where she’s from, her nickname, or even what her favorite color is…just that IT IS GREEN in some other language that is not my own…curious!).

This looks like so much fun!!!Can I be super 90s and go "NOT!!"?

But I did try this out for a long weekend. I deactivated my facebook and I did not check my computer. And I just read. And it was nice. Except, it was also a bit lonely. Because everyone else WAS sitting at their computers on facebook, or staring at their phones. So maybe we could all agree at the same time to stop taking a picture to post to instagram, stop tweeting that “rad joke you just heard,” stop texting someone who is in the same room as you mea things about that guy you once made out with who doesn’t remember you, and maybe I’ll stop blogging for that moment. And maybe if we all look up and go outside at the same time…I don’t know. Something might happen? Aliens? Teenage Mutant Ninja Alien Turtles (NOOOO!!)? Well, maybe you’ll look up and see someone who you never would have seen before and maybe they’ll see you too. It can’t hurt. Literally…It can’t, because when you walk and text, tripping or walking into walls can occur.

Please see the following evidence...