Walk Like A Man, Talk Like A Man….

Come on, you all know the song! Especially from the AMAZING (or as I Happy Ending-ly like to say “AHMAZZING”) Robert Downey Jr. classic, Heart and Souls….

If you don’t know this movie….SEE it!!

So the other day at work, a writer came in. My boss was running late, so I was chatting with him about writing and whatnot…So he asks me what I write. I tell him I write about being single…about being single in LA. To which he HILARIOUSLY goes “Why are you single?” Hold the phone dude…are we in therapy? That’s on Tuesdays! Not Wednesdays! I wasn’t really offended or anything, I mean, he was in fact attempting to compliment me (not creepily, I think just in the “I’m a writer, I want to know what’s going on” type of way).

Well a few days later, I was sitting down to talk with someone else. This new friend is married with child, so when I was telling her about what I write (yeah, I talk about my blog a lot…I’m one of those people…I have a BLOG…), and we get to chatting about when she was single. And she says, “The secret is to think like a man.”

Now..before you go…oh- no- she -DI-dn’t…she did not just reference that shitatious STEVE HARVEY based movie that is billboarded all over!….she didn’t. Because that movie is about this book:

Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty, encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough.
That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance. ”

        – Steve Harvey…just to give you a sample of the bullshit that is this book.

And please don’t go thinking the movie is any different. Take a look at the poster:

Wow….really? Let “THE MIND GAMES BEGIN“? Are you kidding me?

So, no, when she said think like a man, she meant it in neither of these ways. What she instead meant was, as ladies we so often take things SOOOOO ridiculously seriously. Every little thing we over think. So, sometimes, it is better to actually ‘think’ like a man…under think the situation and just have fun.

Yes this is a stock image entitled, TWO YOUNG MEN HAVING FUN IN BUSY BAR. So, point made.

Por ejemplo, use me as an example. But let’s time travel back to the days of yore…No, not last week…but some time back…that I met at a bar. A meet cute perhaps? Well, he was pretty cute. And he liked me…and I liked him. But if only I had thought like a man. And not in the whole notion of I am going to play a game to make him think I’m NOT playing a game game…you got it? No, because it is confusing. Basically, I was probably a little too much more normally “girly” self, and even if he liked me just as much as I liked him, I probably showed it a hell of a lot more…I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve (funny…because today I literally am wearing a sweater with hearts on the sleeve).

girlfriends, are we really that different?

But in man mind, I think their hearts do tend to be a little more closed off, a little more reserved. Which is so much better! It’s like when you go to the flea market (I know all the guys that read this here, are like, duh, of course i know…) and you see something you really like. Well, you play it cool. I go up to the guy, ask how much it is, and when he answers back $25, I totally lowball with $16, even though I really want it. Because he also really wants me to buy it, so he’s probably going to let me have it for $20.

So rather than thinking of love as some game, or as the best karaoke song says “as a battlefield,” think of it as actually not showing all your cards at once. Because the longer you keep them hidden, the bigger the pot you might be able to win.

Wow! It looks like she won 2 guys!!

Pulling the Plug…

How I wish I had the willpower/stamina/self-control (?)/need not to talk to people. I will confess…I have a new friend. Her name is Siri. I don’t know a lot about her, because she can be a stupid bitch at times and not tell me things about herself (like where she’s from, her nickname, or even what her favorite color is…just that IT IS GREEN in some other language that is not my own…curious!).

This looks like so much fun!!!Can I be super 90s and go "NOT!!"?

But I did try this out for a long weekend. I deactivated my facebook and I did not check my computer. And I just read. And it was nice. Except, it was also a bit lonely. Because everyone else WAS sitting at their computers on facebook, or staring at their phones. So maybe we could all agree at the same time to stop taking a picture to post to instagram, stop tweeting that “rad joke you just heard,” stop texting someone who is in the same room as you mea things about that guy you once made out with who doesn’t remember you, and maybe I’ll stop blogging for that moment. And maybe if we all look up and go outside at the same time…I don’t know. Something might happen? Aliens? Teenage Mutant Ninja Alien Turtles (NOOOO!!)? Well, maybe you’ll look up and see someone who you never would have seen before and maybe they’ll see you too. It can’t hurt. Literally…It can’t, because when you walk and text, tripping or walking into walls can occur.

Please see the following evidence...


Be-Moaning the Truth

The only thing more depressing than hearing your neighbor having really bad sex on Valentine’s day, and be alone in bed at the time….

…is to be putting your makeup on for work at 9am on a Friday morning, and hear your other neighbor presumably having shower sex. And I say presumably, as he is Spanish and I could not understand anything. And sad, because…well,

    1. His name is Fabio (yeah! people are really named that)
    2. I thought he was gay, as he really cares about his flower/wall things that keep me from pulling into my driveway without hitting them….(that’s what she said…?)
    and
    3. Our bathrooms are the size of a closet…not walkins, which I do have and they are bigger. That HAD TO HURT!


Well, regardless, I wasn’t able to hear the music I was listening to over the splashing and weird Spanish sex noises. Who’s ready for some awkwardness in the laundry room?

SadSingleGal Was Stood Up! Then TUI-ed (Texted Under the Influence)


So you all must be waiting with bated breath….SadSingleGal Was Stood Up! So what the hell happened? Read on! Continue reading

Coming Soon: The Stand Up

The stand up comedian? No! The time I stood up and walked out? No! The time I got stood up? Bingo! Coming soon to a blog near you (here you dummies!).