Part II: Long Distance Dud

Well the name of this post kind of gives away what happened, huh? Let’s rewind and review…like we were on a tv show and an announcer was saying “on last week’s adventure…..”

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So, my manicurist set me up with a guy in Philly…we went out….we went out again….high school made out Titanic style….and then came time for me to return home to LA….

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Looking to Nail Someone? Ask your Manicurst!

Looking to Nail Someone? Ask your Manicurst!

So, I’m going to be honest. I am a little behind on stories (aka my life) so I am just going to get the most recent one off my chest/ brain/ heart (bleghhhh) and then go from there….

Well, I mentioned a few weeks back that I had an interesting make out in a car, a make out that felt so high school it could only have happened in front of my parents’ home. Well there is a reason for that. See…my mother has been getting her nails done by the same woman for over 27 years. Wait, aren’t you 27, SSG? Yes, I am. My mother has been seeing the same manicurist since I was an egg and a sperm. Loyalty…yes.

So, whenever I go home, my mom books me an appointment with this manicurist, who I love dearly. And since she loves me dearly, she would like me to settle down with a NJG (nice Jewish guy) not in Los Angeles, where I actually live, but in Philadelphia. And of course she had someone in mind. Because when I walked in one Black Friday, the manicurist gave me the normal guilt trip,but also had the mother of a NJG sitting and waiting for her nails to dry.

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And then in walks MY mother….not the braggy type at all, who apparently went on a 30 minute braggy rant about me to some Jewish mom in the nail salon while I got a Pedicure. Let me know if you need a break from the overwhelming Jewlarity of all this.

Well, somehow this NJG’s mom was impressed by me, but not by the fact that I lived across the country. Smart lady! (whoops…foreshadowing??) So she left with her dry nails, and I proceeded to get the 18th degree (see what I did there?) about my lack thereof a love life in LA and why I need to move back to Philly.

As my mom and I got into the car, the manicurist texted my mom in excitement. “NJG wants to go out with SSG!” Ok, I figured what the hell…it’s not like any NJGs, or even Gs (guys) are beating down my door in LA to go out. Why not? So after receiving a phone call from NJG (guys, a PHONE CALL…as in NOT A TEXT) we planned to meet up for drinks that night. And I had a really nice time. Like way nicer than most first dates usually go. Maybe it was because my expectations were lowered because I had nothing to loose, or maybe it was just because I really liked him…

….I already wrote about date number two, so you know how that goes. But why don’t I split this up a bit and leave you on your seats…begging for more…wanting to know what could have possibly happened….To be continued

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Don’t Judge a Magazine By Its Cover

If you are not aware, I live in Los Angeles. A city that is pretty hard to find a man in, as it seems to be bifurcated into tiny little pockets were you have to find the person that might suit you best. So, any help, guidance, handbooks are welcome. Well, yesterday while purchasing a book at Barnes and Noble….yes, I still buy books…I came across the new issue of Los Angeles magazine, with the cover reading “This Issue is Smokin’! SEX IN LA”

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I’m A “Woman of LA” and I Call Bullshit!

If you’re not familiar with the Murray Hill Video,where have you been and watch the provided link. DJ Lubel has made an LA one, called “THE WOMEN OF LA,” about how he can’t get laid. Watch:

Ok, super funny. Yes. Completely accurate descriptions of parts of LA. Yes. But there are magically lots of people getting laid here. I don’t exactly know where they are, or who they are….but I assure you Mr. Lubel, it ain’t because the girls are turning every guy down. No….Just NO. Maybe it’s because when assholes (note, I’m not saying nerd, I love nerds, hit on gorgeous women (also not saying anything about myself…) they get turned down for being asses. Just a thought.

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Anyone in This Crazy LA Heat

Holy Hotness!! Really, Los Angeles? Gross…this is just gross! We basically all look like James Brown after a marathon performance every time we leave the comfort of the Air Conditioning:

He does not “Feel Good”…right?

You all know that this is you….and it is not a good look. It’s not cooling down at night here, so going out last night was pretty frusterating…since your makeup was literally dripping down your face by the time you stepped into the not adequately ventilated bar. ATTRACTIVE!

 

So enjoy the sun, and don’t overheat…I guess manage to TRY to stay cute (even with the power of the sun making deodorant obsolete for sweat….also is there such a thing as breast deodorant? seriously it is so hot, that there is sweat EVERYWHERE!)
And you can find me somewhere like this today:

Or really, just sitting in my air-conditioned room with cold water and netflix….

 

 

 

 

 

Fallacy-Buster: Guys Don’t Make Passes At Girls Who Wear Glasses

Not anymore! We're all fair game!!

Guys Don’t Make Passes At Girls Who Wear Glasses. I know you have heard this before…there might have even been a Full House episode about it (which means every other show of that era did one as well). You might have even been that girl who wasn’t hit on and blamed it ON your glasses because you were always told that guys wouldn’t hit on you. Well…. Continue reading

We Interrupt this Program….for a serious thought on LOVE

So having what I hope you all (when I say all, I mean the three of you that read this…one of you being my sister I presume?) consider to be a humorous blog about my “sad single life,” I do joke around a lot about being sad and lonely. One thing that I do oftentimes take for granted even though I AM sad and lonely, is that no one is prohibiting me by law from being with the person I want to be with or saying hurtful things to me, or in any way protesting my ability to be with someone. (N.B. no one is actually rushing to be with me, so there is also that…maybe there would be protests, who knows?). Continue reading