Month: August 2012

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Lena Dunham for The New Yorker

UGHHHHHHH! Seriously, can I barf on her? She is filled with such smarmy self-satisfaction of “I don’t fit into the confines of typical Hollywoodness that I’m just going to be so weird and make you believe my weird is so wonderfully weird and acceptable.” UGGGGHHH, even the way she speaks make me want to punch her….

Take a look at the video (this oh so “clever” video) that Lena did for new app for The New Yorker:

Sorry if you are in love with this nonsense, but really?? Come on sweetheart, stop it! Stop making fun of things in your highbrow, highwaisted world that you have concocted for yourself! And before you say, “SSG, she creates such a positive self image for girls!” BULLLLLLL to the SHITTT! No! The characters on her show are all overprivileged Girls with over realized expectations. Because you know what? I actually do exactly what the mom in the pilot said to do when Lena’s character was cut off and complained that she was “the voice of her generation.” I have a fucking job…and I write a blog! So, I guess this SSG of the Day also goes out top all you ladies who sit and stare at the TV and think “that is so my life (or the life I want)” while you watch Girls. Because really? I’m serious….REALLY???

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Switch Day

So I have said this before, but I went to overnight camp. In fact, I loved overnight camp. It was wonderful. It was an all girls camp, and it was this magical place that you would escape into for 8 weeks of the summer and not really care how you looked, what you wore, if you were being crazy, if people looked at you while you were being crazy, and it was a blast! We dressed in pajamas all day long, and our hair was a frizzy mess most of the time (being that it was a mostly Jewish camp!), we sang and danced on our tables in the dining halls, and we just DID NOT ever care!

This isn’t from my camp, but it could have been…I have many a picture that look JUST like this.

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Sad Single Gal of The Day: Kourtney Kardashian

And before you say, wasn’t your last post about the other Kartrashian sister? And, bitch is rich, whatever…take a look at this cover of UsWeekly that came out this morning:

Kourtney “I will never change my last name because that is the only thing I have going for my” Kardashian, and her son Mason, and newborn Penelope “because the nickname is Penny, and you are mommy’s NEW little moneymaker” Scotland

 

So why is she the SSG of the Day? Well, because all of these celebrity magazine covers are pretty sad. It’s like parading your baby out n the public for the world to see. And notice who isn’t on the cover with the “Happy Fam?” You got it!!

SCOTT! He did his job, put a baby in her belly, and gave her gold and when I say gold, I really mean money, like stacks of it, in her hand, as payment for this photoshoot.) Soooo…of course he doesn’t have to change a diaper. In a year or so, Kourtney will unlock her bedroom door, Scott will “do his job,” and we will have yet another cover of UsWeekly with Scott once again missing…

Don’t let Kourtney’s Beverly Hills perfected teeth trick you…or the wads of money that are in the pillows she is sitting on. There are Sad, Single Tears under there….BUT Pimp Mama Kris keeps making sure none us see a single drop!!

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Dreaming of the Day When Someone Calls Me Their “Perfect Bitch”

Not exactly….but yup…In the latest Kartrashian News:

 

Kanye West wrote a song about his fake LOHL (Love of His Life), otherwise known as his “Perfect Bitch.”

Maybe I’m just too sad and single to appreciate that! Or maybe that’s WHY I’m single! That’s it! Because I don’t want some misogynistic asshole calling me his bitch….!!!!Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner! Bingo!
So from now on, I am going to work hard to perfect my “Perfect Bitch” persona….

 

Read more about the SCINTILLATING saga of Kanye and Kim from TMZ, who LOVES to bow down to all things Kuntrashian….

                                      Kanye West: Kim Kardashian’s My ‘PERFECT BITCH’
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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Natalie Portman’s Wedding Dress

Ok, Natalie Portman…I understand. You wanted a traditional Jewish wedding dress. So for some reason you decided to wear a reject Bat Mitzvah dress from 1953/an Amish party dress/ a life size American Girl Doll outfit that you wear at the same time your doll does when you go to American Girl Doll Place at the Grove. Somehow with all her money, fame, prettiness, she managed to look like this:

Now if this doesn’t scream child bride, I don’t know what does! Is this a reject costume from Big Love?

Well, Natalie…and your heinous dress…all I have to say, is thank god you are no longer single! Because this dress….Just NO! NOPE!

 

And for any one out there going, whatever, it was for religious reasons, I am actually going to stand up for a Trump right now….Ivanka…who converted to Judaism, and then wore this religiously appropriate dress, that is also beautiful:

Much more Grace Kelly, as opposed to Natalie in her dress up nightgown look