Sad Dates

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Safe Words

Get your mind out of the gutter! No, I’m not talkin’ about crazy spanking, S & M, Eyes Wide Shut, “don’t know what’s happening because it’s all so crazy that we need a special word to tell if you’ve gone to far” safe words.

You know some crazy shit's about to go down....


I’m talking about when you’re out at a bar with a friend and some guy starts talking to you… Continue reading →

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How About We….

I can’t be the only one who is asked by EVERYONE, and when I say EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE (yeah, that was a lovely convo with MY FATHER!), if I have tried dating sites. And being the sassy sad single Jewish gal that I am, it is always, “So have you tried JDate?” And imagine that in a nasally Jewish voice to get the full feeling.

Well, dating sites suck! They may be wonderful for some people, I just don’t think I am “some people.” Well I came across this article yesterday at work in my endless, online boredom:

So besides the douchey looking dude in the picture, I don’t know. Kind of makes sense. Could be as dumb as the rest of them…I’m looking at you OkCupid….but hey..what have I got to lose. So, hey, how about we…I don’t know..I’ll get back to you later.

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A Date, or Not A Date? That is the Question.

Part of what makes my sad single self so wonderfully sad, is my ability to be completely dense when it comes to anything romantic involving myself. When it comes to others, I can see it clear as day. To quote the classic amazing film that I have seen a lot because it is always on TBS, The Wedding Planner, starring none other than romantically challenged herself diva, Jennifer Lopez, “You know the expression. Those who don’t do teach? Well those who don’t wed plan!”

Sidenote about this movie and all of J. Lo's movies: she is always either 1. an orphan 2. has a dead parent 3. italian or white (which she clearly nis't)....why? just let her have two parents and be Puerto Rican or at least Mexican?

Well, I am basically ‘ole Jenny from the Block in the wedding planner, except no hot doctor is saving me from a dumpster rolling down the street to kill me. But I am that dense. If love was a dumpster it literally would have to run me over for me to notice it. I am basically that scene in Clueless where she is wandering around Bev Hills and then and the exact same moment the fountain goes off behind her in a triumphant cinematic moment, Cher realizes:

But Cher realizes BEFORE Tai does anything, before she has lost Josh! I seem to have these (far less triumphant moments…where is my special effects team to time fountains to my feelings??) when I actually realizes that someone has had any inkling of flirting, or whatever you could call toward me? Which is why I ask “A date or not a date?” (a la Hamlet, of course…although everyone did die in that. Hmmm.)

At least Hamlet had Yorik...

Some things I seem to be having a-ha moments about or can recognize when it happens to others that makes me go DATE:

    1. If they show actual interest in you. This can often be misconstrued with someone asking questions simply to fill time. But if you have brought something up in conversation, and they remember it (!) by at least the end of the evening, this probably means they aren’t just filling time before they call their FWB.
    2. If a guy offers to pay for your drink, and then keeps his tab open. This is a move that I often don’t realize is happening and offer to get the next round…don’t it will turn date into not a date.
    3. If you are complimented on an object of clothing, hair, and/or eyes. Guys do not notice these things if they are not looking for SOME reason.

Any quickly realize it is NOT a date:

    1. If an ex is mentioned in ANY way! Or worse, a CURRENT girlfriend! Or worse, a current BOYFRIEND! (I can be dense, but my gaydar is good at least).
    2. If you have to go dutch on dinner! And even worse, if the guy doesn’t understand that you offering to pay is fake it makes you split…happened to a friend…ouch!

This is all I have so far…maybe the dense fog will start to clear for me a little? Let’s just hope the sun hasn’t already started to set once I can clearly see (ok, enough with the weird nature/romance metaphors). Happy dating/non-dating!

What will probably happen to me if I stay sad and single...or if I don't get Botox

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The “No Way in Hell” Guy

We’ve all read the covers of silly women’s magazines that proclaim to have insight into a guy’s mind. “The sexiest thing-straight from real men” “what guys really like” “what guys want” and so on and so on….And it all kind of seems like bullshit, because what, the sexiest thing to a man is confidence? No, it has to be boobs, or butts, or what other obvious body parts are there? But I keep being told time and again, that this confidence thing is the most attractive quality I could have.

Who is this meant to appeal to? Me or a man?

Problem is, I am not someone who thinks highly of myself when it comes to guys. I don’t walk into a bar and expect men to fawn all over me. Which is probably my downfall if you think about it, my overwhelming lack of confidence in myself. Alas (yeah, I said alas..let’s make words like that cool…), that is the painful truth. I am shocked when a guy shows any interest at all. I get flustered and probably act weird when a guy comes up to talk to me at a bar. Continue reading →

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“The Jew with No Geography”…aka Landed Softly Dude

Having given up on J-Date some 6 months ago, I really wasn’t that into the whole online dating thing. There were far too many old creepy guys with age ranges of 20-26 that had “Flirted” with me on Jdate (more on that later), and I had had enough. So a few weeks ago, over dinner with friends, one of my girls (henceforth known as V) was bragging about all the men she had met on OkCupid. Feeling frustrated with the non-existent dating scene for me in Los Angeles (just because I work in entertainment doesn’t I want to DATE someone in entertainment…give me a nice doctor or lawyer!), I finally figured what the hell and gave it another shot. Continue reading →