Sad Single Gal of The Day

by

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Jennifer Aniston

MAZEL TOV, JENNY!!! YEA!!!!!!

For all you Jennifer Aniston haters out there- SUCK IT! Let her be happy! She got screwed over by Angie’s demon vag that snapped away her hubby and has been the fodder of the tabloids for YEARS! Example:

Well, as anyone who knew me growing up could tell you, I have always be a fan of Ms. Aniston. I even had a really ill-fated attempt at a “Rachel” that just did not quite look as good on me….

But Jen has proved to us SSGs that if you hold your head up high, that one day a guy will like it enough to put a ring on it again !!! (Now, can i question the whole men proposing on their birthday thing? Is it to make remembering that anniversary easier?? Huh???)

To the FUTURE Patron Saint of Sad Single Gals, L’Chaim!

 

by

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Anyone in This Crazy LA Heat

Holy Hotness!! Really, Los Angeles? Gross…this is just gross! We basically all look like James Brown after a marathon performance every time we leave the comfort of the Air Conditioning:

He does not “Feel Good”…right?

You all know that this is you….and it is not a good look. It’s not cooling down at night here, so going out last night was pretty frusterating…since your makeup was literally dripping down your face by the time you stepped into the not adequately ventilated bar. ATTRACTIVE!

 

So enjoy the sun, and don’t overheat…I guess manage to TRY to stay cute (even with the power of the sun making deodorant obsolete for sweat….also is there such a thing as breast deodorant? seriously it is so hot, that there is sweat EVERYWHERE!)
And you can find me somewhere like this today:

Or really, just sitting in my air-conditioned room with cold water and netflix….

 

 

 

 

 

by

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Lena Dunham for The New Yorker

UGHHHHHHH! Seriously, can I barf on her? She is filled with such smarmy self-satisfaction of “I don’t fit into the confines of typical Hollywoodness that I’m just going to be so weird and make you believe my weird is so wonderfully weird and acceptable.” UGGGGHHH, even the way she speaks make me want to punch her….

Take a look at the video (this oh so “clever” video) that Lena did for new app for The New Yorker:

Sorry if you are in love with this nonsense, but really?? Come on sweetheart, stop it! Stop making fun of things in your highbrow, highwaisted world that you have concocted for yourself! And before you say, “SSG, she creates such a positive self image for girls!” BULLLLLLL to the SHITTT! No! The characters on her show are all overprivileged Girls with over realized expectations. Because you know what? I actually do exactly what the mom in the pilot said to do when Lena’s character was cut off and complained that she was “the voice of her generation.” I have a fucking job…and I write a blog! So, I guess this SSG of the Day also goes out top all you ladies who sit and stare at the TV and think “that is so my life (or the life I want)” while you watch Girls. Because really? I’m serious….REALLY???

by

Sad Single Gal of The Day: Kourtney Kardashian

And before you say, wasn’t your last post about the other Kartrashian sister? And, bitch is rich, whatever…take a look at this cover of UsWeekly that came out this morning:

Kourtney “I will never change my last name because that is the only thing I have going for my” Kardashian, and her son Mason, and newborn Penelope “because the nickname is Penny, and you are mommy’s NEW little moneymaker” Scotland

 

So why is she the SSG of the Day? Well, because all of these celebrity magazine covers are pretty sad. It’s like parading your baby out n the public for the world to see. And notice who isn’t on the cover with the “Happy Fam?” You got it!!

SCOTT! He did his job, put a baby in her belly, and gave her gold and when I say gold, I really mean money, like stacks of it, in her hand, as payment for this photoshoot.) Soooo…of course he doesn’t have to change a diaper. In a year or so, Kourtney will unlock her bedroom door, Scott will “do his job,” and we will have yet another cover of UsWeekly with Scott once again missing…

Don’t let Kourtney’s Beverly Hills perfected teeth trick you…or the wads of money that are in the pillows she is sitting on. There are Sad, Single Tears under there….BUT Pimp Mama Kris keeps making sure none us see a single drop!!

by

Sad Single Gal of the Day: Natalie Portman’s Wedding Dress

Ok, Natalie Portman…I understand. You wanted a traditional Jewish wedding dress. So for some reason you decided to wear a reject Bat Mitzvah dress from 1953/an Amish party dress/ a life size American Girl Doll outfit that you wear at the same time your doll does when you go to American Girl Doll Place at the Grove. Somehow with all her money, fame, prettiness, she managed to look like this:

Now if this doesn’t scream child bride, I don’t know what does! Is this a reject costume from Big Love?

Well, Natalie…and your heinous dress…all I have to say, is thank god you are no longer single! Because this dress….Just NO! NOPE!

 

And for any one out there going, whatever, it was for religious reasons, I am actually going to stand up for a Trump right now….Ivanka…who converted to Judaism, and then wore this religiously appropriate dress, that is also beautiful:

Much more Grace Kelly, as opposed to Natalie in her dress up nightgown look