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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Scarlett “Scarjo” Johansson

So this might be wild speculation, or facts…and as any of us learned from Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom, you need two (count it 2 sources) to validate a story! So, apparently the couple that no one every really gave a shit about or thought was that real, especially since their movie The Green Goblin Shirt Mumbler Sexiest Man Alive Lantern tanked and they then apparently went and Topped That by buying a house together (?) in Bedford, NY (??) of all places!

This is as conservative as Blake/Serena gets…hey! her legs ARE covered…technically

But you might recall that Mr. Reynolds was married once before….hmmm….younger, blonde, actress…someone has a type!! Blake isn’t the first Mrs. Reynolds! That honor belongs to no other than Scarlett Johansson, who divorced Ryan in 2010 after two years of marriage.

um, ok….?

But Scarlett’s week isn’t just sucking because her ex husband has moved on! No, apparently last week Scarho “reunited” with her ex BOYFRIEND, Jordan CatalonoJared Leto at the DNC:

 

But then mere hours after the world found out the Ryan legally replaced his Scarjo with another ho, The Daily Mail in the UK run this lovely headline:

Awww….poor little red!

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Sad Single Quote: You’ve Got Mail

Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms.

    – Joe Fox (Tom Hanks)

I wish someone would send me a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils…..

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Nazanin Boniadi

Who? Who the fuck is Nanazin Boniadi? Well, according to Vanity Fair, she was actually supposed to be Mrs. Tom Cruise #3 instead of Katie Holmes! But who is she? Well, actually you might recognize her from either How I Met Your Mother, where she played Barney’s girlfriend, Nora, or General Hospital, where she was Leyla Mir (I don’t know what she did on it though…as I don’t watch)….

 

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Sad Single Labor Day Weekend?

So it’s almost September! Summer’s almost over, and I’m guessing you didn’t succeed in the whole “boyfriend by labor day thing” that your mind had planned…

So what now? Get drunk, and hookup at all your labor day BBQs? No!! Stay classy my friends! Because who knows? Maybe you need to set a new goal? Boyfriend by Rosh Hashanah? Boyfriend by Columbus Day?

At the very least, just don’t regret your partying, and STAY HYDRATED!!! No one wants to hook up with the drunken mess unless they are looking to date rape you….rut roh (and no, that does not count as your new boyfriend!!)

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Sad Single Gal of the Day: Katy Perry

First she was married to this:

And then she moved on to this:

Yeah…she didn’t get hottie John Mayer like Jenny or Jess, or Taylor or …I know there are more…many more!

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