#GrouperFail

#GrouperFail

I keep meaning to write about this and just keep forgetting to. You all might recall a few months ago I went on a “group date” via the dating site Grouper. It was pretty fun, even if the men weren’t necessarily the right fit or even fun at all, because you are on a group date with two of your friends. So fun time pretty much guaranteed…unless your friends are the most boring people alive.

Something's Fishy around here....

Something’s Fishy around here….

Well, the last time I went, the guys were, well how should I say….awful? I even wrote this on a post:

SSG: Grouper fail
Lexi: What?! What happened? Sounded like the night was getting gooood at the Dawson’s Creek singalong!
SSG: Nope! One of the guys already left! But there might be one match happening
Lexi: Oooo! Lucky pair. Sorry to hear the guys weren’t exactly your type but so happy you were able to make a fun night out of it!
SSG: The guy that we are “stuck  talking to” as he won’t leave his friend, he told me he doesn’t trust anything I say
Lexi: Hahaha omg! Why would he say that?
SSG: He sucks
Lexi: Yiiiiiiikes
SSG: Yeah he also did a live reading of my blog.. Which was funny, but as it was about a bad date is kind if ironic
Lexi: Hahaha goodness! What are the odds.
SSG: Lets hope better next time
Lexi: We’ll make sure of it! Promise!

Lexi, for the uninitiated, is the “concierge” from Grouper, who checks in on your dates and makes sure things are going smoothy. Well, trouble is Lexi made me a promise that I would get another match, a better one than this crummy date! So when a month rolled around and no date had been sent my way, I emailed Lexi and received this response:

Hi Mara,

Thanks so much for reaching out. As soon as we find you a great match, we’ll reach back out to get your next Grouper all set up! I know it can be frustrating, but we’d rather make you wait for an awesome experience than rush you out the door for a mediocre one.

Please let me know if you have any other questions!

All the best,
Lexi

Ok, that’s fair. She cared about me! She didn’t want me to have another shitty date. She didn’t want me to waste my time, OR my friends’ time on losers. Awesome. So sweet.

So another two months roll by, as I sit there twiddling my thumbs, hoping, praying for Lexi to come save the day! And….NOTHING! So I send her another email:

Hey Lexi,

Just following up on this! I haven’t received anything from grouper in MONTHS!!

Thanks,

Mara

And how does she brush me off? By responding to me via TEXT!

Hey Mara,

Apologies about that- we just want to make sure we send you out on a Grouper with a great match so that you’ll have a good time! The last thing we want is to match you and then not have a good time. I promise I will reach out as soon as we find a great match!

Ok, so Lexi, and Grouper, let’s have a word….because this text…it was sent in June. Do you think I would rather feel like I am unmatchable? That there is no one in the entire Los Angles Metro area that could possibly, POSSIBLY want to spend an hour with me OR that maybe I would like to have a mediocre time and actually hear back from you? I’m guessing I wouldn’t like to feel worthless and unloved…..but that’s up to you Grouper. Until then, #Grouperfail

I would if I could Lexi.....I would if I could

I would if I could Lexi…..I would if I could

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I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

So a lot of the times when I write, I use humor as a way to maybe cope with feelings – you know how in Friends Chandler’s always making jokes, even at the most inappropriate times?

Well, that is kind of me on here. Sometimes rather than actually reflecting on what is making me sad, or angry, or upset, I joke it off. Continue reading

Don’t Judge a Magazine By Its Cover

If you are not aware, I live in Los Angeles. A city that is pretty hard to find a man in, as it seems to be bifurcated into tiny little pockets were you have to find the person that might suit you best. So, any help, guidance, handbooks are welcome. Well, yesterday while purchasing a book at Barnes and Noble….yes, I still buy books…I came across the new issue of Los Angeles magazine, with the cover reading “This Issue is Smokin’! SEX IN LA”

cover1013_sm Continue reading

More National Singles Week Hurrahs!

 

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So great…basically a list of why I should be happy I can be selfish and standoffish, and not want others in my space or to touch my things. Exactly why I LOVE being single!! It’s kind of like when you don’t have a date for a wedding, and everyone is like, “It’s ok, maybe there will be a hot guy there you can hook up with!” And then you get to the singles table filled with old aunts and cousins that are 13.

Why Being a Single Gal Can Actually Be Sad…Part II

Why Being a Single Gal Can Actually Be Sad…Part II

Ok, this actually is more “sad” in the sense of:

Creepy. As. FUCK

Creepy. As. FUCK

Also.Creepy.As.FUCK

Also.Creepy.As.FUCK

    

 

 

   OR    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, basically this story is tale as old as time. Girl meets Girl. They become “BFF” – Best Friends Forever. Or until Girl meets Boy. And then you have the first few months, when Boy and Girl go from BF and GF to one entity, attached at the hip, only to appear in public in the form of “couples.” As in multiples. As in, they try it out with Girl #1, who, let’s be real, we can call her Lonely Girl, a few times, and it’s just plain AWK. As in, they stop asking her out, because Girl and Boy are now a they, and Lonely Girl is not. And the “Theys” only want to be with other “Theys”, not ( shiver) “Singles”.

Healthy-Food couple

So, slowly but surely, that once Forever in BFF gets tossed out the window. You maybe text occasionally. Still refer to each other as “Best Friends”, but when was the last time you really saw each other? And then it happens. Lonely Girl realizes that her once BFF, who basically promised to be there for her in singleness and in health, hasn’t answered a text, email, call, message via carrier pigeon in months. And who does this really suck for….Lonely Girl.

Hey There, Lonely Girl....

Hey There, Lonely Girl….

Because at least 1/2 of Siamese Couple has the other half still, and all those other couple friends. Lonely Girl is basically left in the dust to repeat the cycle again. The Cycle of the Single Gal. And she doesn’t even get to benefit from her BFF’s new Boyfriend’s hopefully decent taste in friends. Or even bad taste for a slutty hookup.

The Cycle of the Single Gal

The Cycle of the Single Gal

 

Happy National Singles Week!

I’m not kidding. This is real. It exists. It is not a joke. It is real….

 

Screen Shot 2013-09-18 at 10.44.09 AMAnd as I write this, I am watching Hoda and Kathie Lee tell me I need to change my attitude…thanks ladies!! I’m sure by next National Singles Week, I will be planning my wedding!!!

 

Why Being a Single Gal Can Actually Be Sad…

Ok, for the most part on here…when I say “sad” I don’t mean it like…

Creepy. As. FUCK

Creepy. As. FUCK

….I more so mean it like… Continue reading