Men Confuse Me…Even in Thailand

Especially in Thailand.

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My friend (who I miss dearly…come back!!!) sent me this missive from her travels the other day: Continue reading

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Hope You all Had a Sexy V-Day…

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….and not a “Oh, shit I really want to have sex, so I’m cool with VD.” Also all you Women of LA  believers, maybe this is one of the reasons you ain’t getting laid? You’re too cheap to get a Costco membership with your friends and buy a jumbo sized box?

I’m A “Woman of LA” and I Call Bullshit!

If you’re not familiar with the Murray Hill Video,where have you been and watch the provided link. DJ Lubel has made an LA one, called “THE WOMEN OF LA,” about how he can’t get laid. Watch:

Ok, super funny. Yes. Completely accurate descriptions of parts of LA. Yes. But there are magically lots of people getting laid here. I don’t exactly know where they are, or who they are….but I assure you Mr. Lubel, it ain’t because the girls are turning every guy down. No….Just NO. Maybe it’s because when assholes (note, I’m not saying nerd, I love nerds, hit on gorgeous women (also not saying anything about myself…) they get turned down for being asses. Just a thought.

Real Valentine’s Day Cards

What do I mean by “REAL”? Well, all that lovey dovey shit that Hallmark or Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character in 500 Days of Summer (when he’s STILL in love with Summer) is BS. Roses are red, my ass. Let’s get real (and like JGL’s character after Summer breaks his heart)….

Really, MEN?! I really want to know if you, ANY OF YOU, would ever have that balls (rim shot...) to say/give this...

Really, MEN?! I really want to know if you, ANY OF YOU, would ever have that balls (rim shot…) to say/give this…

 

If someone gave this to me, they would get back a slap. I don't care that it says I LOVE YOU....

If someone gave this to me, they would get back a slap. I don’t care that it says I LOVE YOU….

I would love for someone to actually give this as a reason to break up with someone ON VDay

I would love for someone to actually give this as a reason to break up with someone ON VDay

 

This is actually quite romantic....Not. No...Never

This is actually quite romantic….Not. No…Never

 

If you are dating someone who doesn't NORMALLY "let you finish"....peace the F out!

If you are dating someone who doesn’t NORMALLY “let you finish”….peace the F out!

 

At least he's being honest/say's he's sorry. Points for polite!

At least he’s being honest/say’s he’s sorry. Points for polite!

 

Classroom style, cutout, creepy as fuck cards! If someone puts any of these in your Valentine's bag, beware cause you might have a stalker in the bushes. Or just an asshole...

Classroom style, cutout, creepy as fuck cards! If someone puts any of these in your Valentine’s bag, beware cause you might have a stalker in the bushes. Or just an asshole…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Un-Impressions (Men Read UP!)

So, pardon me if this is a redundant post…but I feel like I am in a bit of a rut of late. And even though online dating is one of the banes of modern existence, I am giving it another shot. Who knows– maybe my sparkling wit will came off as appealing rather than the demeanor of a hardened criminal to someone other than a hardened criminal? No…well, a girl can hope!

He may be cute, but who the hell is she???!!

He may be cute, but who the hell is she???!!

The thing that has me absolutely BAFFLED though, is the picture men chose to put up on these sites! BEYOND bafflement….and here are the types:

  1. The “I’m clearly in a picture with another girl that I’ve cropped out to give the impression I am popular and that she is my ex (even though really that’s my sister and cousin)”
  2. The “I’m clearly in a picture with other guys that I’ve cropped out to give the impression I am cool and have friends (even though really that’s my brother and his friends at his bachelor party where I totally was a 9th wheel)”
  3. The “I’m clearly in a crowd of people to give you the impression that I don’t just sit in my room and play Halo (even though it’s a green screen)”
  4. The “I am so ugly and embarrassed of my face but not my gun show (or even worse your dick)”
  5. The “I like kids so clearly I should pose with them, making it really confusing for any woman to determine if they are mine or just some randoms (even though it says on my profile that I have no kids)”
  6. The “I have a picture up so clearly I’m not bald or missing eyebrows (even if you can’t see my face because I have sunglasses and a hat on)”
  7. The “I’m clearly just a regular joe who loves a good beer and football (so don’t you love my XXXL jersey and the PBL in my hand?)”
  8. The “Look at how sporty I clearly am (even though this is beyond posed and I’ve never played baseball/football/ anyball before)”
  9. The “I’m too cool to have pictures of myself (because I only take pictures of my food)”

So basically what I’m saying…make your pictures better. They don’t need to be works of art, you don’t need to be the most handsome man on earth. But I would rather a real picture of you than a picture of you with 5 other “DUDES” where I have to deduce which one could possibly be you….