Stupid Annoying Emails That Rub in The Fact That You are SINGLE!!

Oh guess what everyone? You thought you escaped New Year’s Eve…even though you didn’t get that New Year’s Kiss you’ve been dreaming of ever since you first saw When Harry Met Sally.
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Presented without Comment…or Smell….

We think it’s one of the funniest things in the history of mankind. Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word ‘fart’ makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there’s nothing funnier.”

    -One of the Sexiest Men Alive, George Clooney

Sad (and blabby) Message #5

Names and pictures have been hidden to protect the “innocent.” Nicknames have not. When a guy sends you this long of a message that really isn’t that interesting AND then also tells you that his nickname is “Speaks,” it really does tell you a lot…a lot more than what he blabbed on about.

Oh, and by the way, Yahoo answers let me know that MMA stands for Mixed Martial Arts…um, yeah…no…no thanks…no. And BTW, I always LOVE being called a pistol by people that aren’t 80 year old men who were around when saying people were “pistols” was actually a thing. When I walk back into my black and white movie, I’ll let James Cagney know that some other man called me a pistol!

Sad (and bizarre) Message #2

hi
i am jonah
22
jewish
loves to cook
work in jewish non profit
love to be with family
would like kids and marriage
YES I AM NOT JOKING
was a teacher and am going back to school
very blunt
know what i want
cant date anyone without a 5 yr plan

(you can’t make this shit up…)

Sad (and creepy) Message #1…

do you like ice cubes in your milk?
Just wanted to say I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear “I have a swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it” and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with welch’s grape juice”